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It was all a joke, Sammy had said, but no one was laughing when Mrs. Gallagher went missing and miles away at a seedy motel, her dog Brittney was being held captive by a man dressed completely in black.

I cover downtown Headquarters for the News-Observer and I got talking to one of the detectives the other day. Swears this is how the famous West Side caper went down. Seems three of the West Side Gang gunned down Mo “The Mohawk” Chee (a full-blooded Native North American), in broad daylight as he sat in the barber chair getting his signature haircut. Waiting in the shop with him was his latest squeeze, divorcee, Maggie Gallagher, her faithful dog, name of Brittney, at her feet. The dog had taken a liking to Mo and put up an awful howl at his untimely demise. The gang wasted no time in carting off the body. One of them, a muscle dressed in black, grabbed Maggie Gallagher and her little dog, too.

What happened earlier was some stoolie had let the gang's leader, Gilbert “The Man” Thigpen, in on the unsavory facts: Mo, a new member of the gang, had sidetracked $50,000 from the gang's last bank job and hidden the bills under the back seat of his 98 Ford pickup. Maggie had bumped up her standard of living a notch. Not a good move.

Thigpen recovered the loot and ordered the boys to plant Mo along with the stash in the City Cemetery with no marker. The unhappy mutt and Maggie Gallagher were smuggled by the guy in black to a twelve buck a night motel out on Amsterdam . They locked Brittney in one room, under the watchful eye of the man in black, while another gang flunky stood guard outside Maggie Gallagher's room. Thigpen and his henchmen were buying time for a plan on how to get rid of the two annoyances.

Meanwhile, the idea was to dig up the dough from the cemetery only after many months had elapsed, when the heat was off. But Thigpen, being a practical guy, had second thoughts. He reversed himself and instead ordered a marker be put up so the gang wouldn't lose track of where Mo and the dough were buried. He was right to be concerned. Mistakes can happen. That cemetery is large and packed tight with not a few former associates of the gang.

"Scramble some kind of code on the marker,” Thigpen instructed his second cousin, Sammy ”The Brain” Kraft, a proud high school graduate. That way they'd have a memory tickler and nosey cops would know zilch.

Feeling very clever, Sammy ordered up a headstone with ”TUCRIAH MUPMAW” in big block letters, on a nice piece of granite. Thigpen said: "Well done.”

What they didn't count on was Detective Sgt. Peter Parker. He suspected something was going down, and he put a tail on Sammy. Of course, Sammy's travels took him to the cheap motel, plus other places. When word came back about that mysterious headstone inscription Parker got interested. A frequent Scrabble player with his kids, it didn't take him long to unravel it.

”Don't you get it?" he said. TUCRIAH MUPMAW is HAIRCUT WAMPUM spelled backwards. “Putting those letters on a headstone can only mean one thing: They've whacked Mohawk and buried the stolen money, too.”

The tail reported in with the details. Parker immediately gave two commands: One, grab Mrs. Gallagher and her dog, Brittney from the motel. And two, order up a squad car. We're taking Brittney on a Mohawk and money hunt in the City Cemetery .

Sure enough, once at the graveside that unhappy dog set up a howl you Would't believe. Just like when Mo ate lead in the barber shop.

“This is it," Parker said. “That smart mutt has sniffed out Mo, gentlemen. Start digging!”

Sammy's defense was the kidnapping was all in fun. The only reason he went to the motel was to free the Maggie Gallagher and her pet. Jury didn't buy it. Parker got a commendation for his work in the case. All members of the West Side Gang, including Tony “The Enforcer,” who'll be wearing orange instead of black, got big time upstate. Mrs. Gallagher got three to five as an accessory. And I wouldn't be surprised if Parker doesn't make Captain soon.

That not the end, either. Parker, being a real softie at heart, Wasn't about to forget the role Brittney played in the case. He felt duty-bound to adopt the mutt and give it to his kids.

Brittney turned out to be a boy. Guess what they renamed him?

Would you believe RIP?