EXCERPT: Drama Oz (the 14th Nicky and Noah mystery) by JOE COSENTINO

Blurb:

The Treemeadow College theatre crew stage an original musical adaptation of The Wizard of Oz, entitled Friends of Dorothy, at a summer theme park in Key West. Quickly cast and crew members melt away like a witch submerged in water. Nicky, as the Wizard on stage and off, must save the show and figure out whodunit. Once again, our favorite thespians will need to use their drama skills to catch the killer before a witch’s fireball sends them up in smoke. You will be applauding and shouting Bravo for Joe Cosentino’s fast-paced, side-splittingly funny, edge-of-your-seat entertaining fourteenth novel in this delightful series. It’s a scorcher! So follow the yellow brick road. The stage lights are coming up in Oz on a girl with a dog who is one hot bitch, a wicked witch who would kill for a new pair of shoes, a sexy Wizard, a Scarecrow sitting on a big pole, a Tinman with a giant can of lube, a Lion with a long tail between his legs, plenty of monkey business, and murder!

Introduction:

During a rehearsal for the show, Nicky, as director, meets Detective Rick Boulder of Key West.

Exclusive Excerpt:

“You don’t look like a mystery-solving college professor, Abbondanza.” Detective Rick Boulder, about forty and tall, stood next to me in the center of the greenroom.

I asked, “How do I look?”

He glanced at my costume. “Like the Wizard of Oz.”

I gazed at his rippling muscles filling out an emerald Oz T-shirt and jeans. “And you don’t look like a detective, Boulder.”

“What do I look like?”

“A tourist.”

He grinned, releasing a row of pearly white teeth. “I was enjoying the theme park when I got the call about the murder.” Rubbing his protruding abs, he added, “Don’t do the Flying Monkey Roller Coaster ride after dinner, Abbondanza.”

Dare I say it? I miss Detective Manuello from Treemeadow! “Please, call me Nicky.”

“Call me Boulder.” He asked, “What do you teach, Nicky, and where?”

“Play Directing at Treemeadow College in Vermont. Hence my stint here directing and starring in Friends of Dorothy.”

The detective’s sky-blue eyes seemed to double in size. “This is your production?”

“Guilty as charged.”

He looked more excited than a priest with an altar boy asking him the facts of life. “I’ve been looking forward to seeing this theme park show for weeks. I’m a total musical theatre geek. I must have seen every musical that toured through Key West and at our local dinner theatre.” The detective rubbed his large hands together joyously. “The latest show I saw was the one about the rapping guy from history who fell in love with the dying woman in the French cabaret.”

“That sounds like a cross between Hamilton and Moulin Rouge.”

He snapped his thick fingers. “That’s it! I always see a matinee and an evening show on the same day without much of a break in between them. So it all seems like one show to me.” He chuckled merrily.

Moving into Sherlock Holmes mode, I paced the room. “Detective—”

“I said call me Boulder. My last name is Bouldowski. The guys at the station call me Boulder, saying I’m built like a rock. Which is my ruination, since women can’t keep their hands off me. And too many of them want to get married. Hence my three divorces.”

I got down to business. “Boulder, did you tape off the backstage wing as the crime scene?”

Boulder nodded, and thin blond hair covered his large forehead. “My officers took care of that.”

“Did you test for fibers and fingerprints?”

“My forensic staff is doing that now. But in a huge theatre like this, I imagine they’ll find more prints and fibers than on a hooker’s jelly donut.”

That gives donut glaze a whole new meaning. “How about checking around the theatre and theme park for any suspicious activity?”

“My partner is doing that.”

I cocked my head at him. “What are you doing?”

“Talking to you right now. And after that roller coaster ride, it isn’t easy with you moving around the room like a marble on a cruise ship.”

I posed at the fireplace like the famous sleuth of yore. “I’ve solved thirteen mass murder cases to date.”

He rubbed his square jaw. “You think you can solve number fourteen?”

“I can try.”

“Do that. I’ll check back with you later tonight.” He headed for the door.

“Where are you going?”

“On the Tornado ride.” He winked. “I hear it’s a blast.”

I blocked his exit. “I can’t solve this case in only a few hours. Besides, you receive a salary, benefits, and pension to serve the people.”

He wagged a finger at me. “This reminds me of that musical about the LA detectives arguing about who would sign the Declaration of Independence.”

I groaned. “Sounds like you saw City of Angels and 1776 on the same day.”

“How did you know? They were terrific shows. I remember because it was the day after I enjoyed the musical about the Jewish guy with five daughters all falling into the man-eating plant.”

I rubbed my forehead. “You saw a double-header of Fiddler on the Roof and Little Shop of Horrors.”

“I’m impressed with you, Nicky.”

“Well, I’m not impressed with you, Boulder.”

He cocked his head at me.

“What detective leaves a murder case to an amateur theatrical sleuth?”

“A detective whose father-in-law is the chief of police, and a detective who is bored with his job.”

I stood my ground. “Then why don’t you quit?”

“Because my alimony payments are due the first of each month, and my exes are as vicious as their female lawyers.”

“Don’t you think that’s sexist?”

“Duh. Of course it is. I’m a straight white guy. What did you expect?”

“Since you love musical theatre…”

“You thought I was gay?”

I shrugged.

“I’m evangelical.”

“Closets are loaded with evangelical gays.”

Boulder giggled. “This reminds me of that terrific musical about the gay guy married to a woman, but he has a male lover who makes pajamas in a factory.”

I cringed. “You saw Falsettos and Pajama Game on the same day.”

He did a double take. “You must be psychic!”

“Actually, I’m incredibly frustrated.”

He flexed. “Is it my biceps?” He tightened his massive chest. “Or my pecs?”

“Neither.”

“That’s surprising. Gay guys generally take to me big time. It’s how I got through the police academy without ever having to write a paper.”

“I’m frustrated because the technical dress rehearsal of my show had more irregularities than a past Republican president’s so-called online university, the star of my show has been murdered, and the local detective is checking out to take a ride on the Emerald City Express.”

He gasped. “I can’t wait to do that!”

I shrieked. “Don’t you want to find out who murdered Bria Newkirk?”

He sighed. “All right. I guess it’s business before pleasure.” Feeling around his jeans’ pockets, he said, “I don’t have a pad and pen. Tell me what you saw when discovering the body, and I’ll try to remember it.”

“Our prop pitchfork lay on the floor of the theatre wing. It was covered with blood. Bria Newkirk was next to it with blood dripping from her abdomen.”

“Yes, the pitchfork was the murder weapon, which by the way has no fingerprints on it.”

“I assume the killer wore gloves.” Tenting my fingers, I added, “But there was something strange about the murder scene.”

“Stranger than a bloody pitchfork?”

I nodded. “I noticed one of Bria’s ribs was removed from her ribcage.”

“Why?”

“How do I know? Maybe the murderer is a cannibal with a passion for ribs.”

Boulder snickered. “Any cannibals in your cast and crew?”

“Most of the company members are vegans.”

“Maybe somebody from the theme park broke into the theatre.”

“The theatre doors were all locked. It had to be someone in the cast or crew.”

He sighed. “I guess I should interview them.”

If you can tear yourself away from the Witch’s Broom ride.

“Since you’re the director, Nicky, direct each of them to come in here one at a time.”

I started for the door.

“And then sit in on the interviews with me.”

I grinned. “So you’ll have the benefit of my expert interrogation skills?”

“No. So you can keep me awake if I nod off. My ex-wives did that whenever we saw a play that wasn’t a musical.”

“I’m sending my husband, son, our two best friends, and their son back to the hotel. None of them did it.”

“How do we know?”

“We know. Besides, Noah was with me when Bria was murdered. Taavi, Martin, Ruben, and Ty were all together.” I added, “So they each have an alibi. Unlike everyone else who was scattered alone throughout the theatre and backstage area at the time of the murder.”

“You found all that out already, did you?”

I nodded proudly. “A good sleuth doesn’t let clues grow underneath his feet like poppy seeds.”

He yawned. “Your commitment to crime solving is making me tired.” He gestured like a king. “Bring in the first suspect.”

“One question first, Boulder. Can we continue our technical dress rehearsal tomorrow morning?”

“If I can watch?”

“Be my guest.”

Boulder swooned. “That’s just like the song in the musical about the beast who captures the beautiful young woman who dresses like a man in her drag show.”

“Matinee of Beauty and the Beast with an evening chaser of Victor, Victoria.”

“You’re amazing! I can’t wait to watch your show rehearsal.”

I cleared my throat. “You’ll need to sit in the house quietly and not disturb anyone.”

He mimed zipping his lips. “I’ll watch from the shadows of the theatre like the show with the half-masked guy who turns a flower girl into a lady.”

“That would be a double header or Phantom of the Opera and My Fair Lady.”

“You did it again!”

Author’s Bio:

Joe Cosentino was voted Favorite MM Mystery, Humorous, and Contemporary Author of the Year by the readers of Divine Magazine for Drama Queen, the first Nicky and Noah mystery novel. He is also the author of the remaining Nicky and Noah mysteries: Drama Muscle, Drama Cruise, Drama Luau, Drama Detective, Drama Fraternity, Drama Castle, Drama Dance, Drama Faerie, Drama Runway, Drama Christmas, Drama Pan, Drama TV, Drama Oz; the Player Piano Mysteries: The Player and The Player’s Encore; the Jana Lane Mysteries: Paper Doll, Porcelain Doll, Satin Doll, China Doll, Rag Doll; the Cozzi Cove series: Cozzi Cove: Bouncing Back, Moving Forward, Stepping Out, New Beginnings, Happy Endings; the In My Heart Anthology: An Infatuation & A Shooting Star; the Tales from Fairyland Anthology: The Naked Prince and Other Tales from Fairyland and Holiday Tales from Fairyland; the Bobby and Paolo Holiday Stories Anthology: A Home for the Holidays, The Perfect Gift, The First Noel; and the Found At Last Anthology: Finding Giorgio and Finding Armando. His books have won numerous Book of the Month awards and Rainbow Award Honorable Mentions. As an actor, Joe appeared in principal roles in film, television, and theatre, opposite stars such as Bruce Willis, Rosie O’Donnell, Nathan Lane, Jason Robards, and Holland Taylor. He received his Master of Fine Arts degree from Goddard College, Master’s degree from SUNY New Paltz, and is currently a happily married college theatre professor/department chair residing in New York State.