CHAOS THEORY -- The Conclusion (Parts 7 and 8)

Part 7: Behind Blue Eyes

by Montiese McKenzie

On Thursday afternoon, doctors released Jack Carmichael from the hospital and by evening, news of Natalie's rescue hit the media. The vultures descended on GW, as did the White House staff. The staff was quickly let into the secure wing. There were hugs and tears of joy as the two-week saga finally ended. Dr. Douglas Grace, who admitted Natalie, told them that he was not comfortable with everyone visiting Mrs. Carmichael just yet…she was very weak and under heavy sedation.

“Benjamin, you can see her if you'd like. I hope everyone else doesn't mind waiting until the weekend.” Jack said.

Just then, Rachel ran in, rushing into her Uncle's arms. They were both crying though Jack did his best to pretend that he was not.

“Is she alright?” Rachel asked. “Just tell me she is going to be alright.”

He took her into the lounge so they could talk as Benjamin walked into the hospital room. Secret Service agents were posted at the door; he recognized Bill Black and Lucy Jefferson. Taking a deep breath, he sat down beside the bed. She was definitely battered but not unrecognizably so. Two weeks she was gone, it made him nauseous to think about what she had been through in that time. Natalie was a strong woman; he had known her for 20 years, but how strong could any person be after that kind of ordeal?

“I don't even know what to say.” He said, taking a moment to look at all of the monitors. “I truly feared that you were dead. I didn't want to think like that but how could I not? The FBI was trying but they didn't have anything, Nat. All I could think about were the things I never said and the time I wasted being mad at you about silly shit.

“It was entirely my fault…well not all of it but most of it. I love you and when you wake up I'm going to tell you again. Thank you for not letting me mess things up too much with Di. I don't know how I would have survived this without her. She understands and she still stays…is that the true love you were always talking about? Is that really how you feel about Jack? I have to go before they kick me out. I'll be back as soon as they let me. I promise.”

Ben kissed her forehead. She was warm but did not stir at all. That bothered him as he walked out. Maybe it was better for now that she was sedated…the next few weeks were going to be difficult.

“The press is out there.” Diana said as Ben joined them in the lounge.

Rachel went in to see Natalie so that left Diana, Ben, Kevin, Jack and Peyton.

“I'll have to put out a statement tonight.” Jack said. “I want to talk to her doctor before I talk to the media. Actually, I don't want to talk to the media at all but that won't work.”

“Maybe Dr.Grace should talk to them.” Kevin suggested. “You just got out of the hospital this afternoon, Jack. I don't think a press conference is a good idea.”

“I have to agree with him.” Peyton said. “You need to be focused on getting yourself better and having Natalie back. Let the doctors and the FBI have the press conference.”

“Yeah.” Ben nodded. “No press tonight. Dammit, her loved ones need their time too. We'll hold it tomorrow afternoon. They have no right to invade on us like this.”

“Wait, wait, I can hardly think.” Jack walked away from them. Natalie was alive; all he wanted to do was celebrate. He just wanted to be with her and move on from this time. Still, he knew from experience that the press would not go away until they got what they wanted. They probably wouldn't then either, but at least they would back off. Jack just needed them to back off.

“OK, we'll have the hospital release a statement. I honestly don't know if I would be able to speak on camera right now.”

“I will help you dad.”

Peyton put her hand on his shoulder. Jack turned to her and smiled.

“You've already done so much. Shouldn't you go home and see David and the baby?”

“Stop it. My family is supporting me while I support you. We'll sit and talk with the doctor and then I'll go home. C'mon.”

“OK.”

They walked out of the lounge and went to the nurses' station. It was going to be a long night but Jack seemed suddenly to have the strength of ten men.

“I'm going to stay and support Jack.” Kevin said. “You guys don't have to stay.”

“I thought…”

“We should go home to our children.” Diana cut Ben off. “I will respect Jack's wishes and let Natalie rest until the weekend. There is nothing we can do here Ben.”

“Diana…”

“What? He let you see her and he did not have to do that. Please, let's just go home.”

Diana held out her hand. Ben sighed, taking it and saying goodnight to Kevin.

***

“Excuse me, Madame President?”

“Oh Jesus.”

Claire slipped on the ladder, quickly grabbing the rung above her head before she fell and broke every bone in her body. The woman ran into the library, taking hold of the ladder to steady it. Claire smiled, climbing down.

“Thank you.”

“I certainly did not want to be known as the person who put the President in a body cast.”

“Yeah. There is a staff of almost 200 here for my every whim, you know. I never thought that would suck.”

The woman laughed and Claire thought it enchanting. She looked at her, tall with blue eyes, and auburn hair. She looked comfortable in grey slacks and a powder blue v-neck shirt.

“I'm sorry, do I know you?”

“Oh forgive me.” She extended her hand. “I'm Lucinda Petrie, Madame President. I'm Wolf Blitzer's program director.”

“Of course. I almost forgot about that. How do you do?”

Claire shook her hand and Lucinda gasped. Claire just looked at her, examining her with intense brown eyes.

“My handshake is not that strong, is it?” Claire asked.

“I'm sorry ma'am, no its not. I plan not to embarrass myself anymore.”

“We'll see about that. Have a seat.”

Lucinda smiled and they sat on the couch. Claire put her book on the table, a copy of The Republic by Plato. The program director cleared her throat.

“I'd just like to start by saying that you were an excellent Secretary of Defense during the last Administration. Despite how you came into office, we are all so proud to call you our President. I can't put into words how many strides we will make while you're in office.”

“We? Forgive my confusion, but…”

“The gay community ma'am. While you've never waved the rainbow banner, you've never been ashamed of who you are and now some outcast teenager doesn't have to be either. It's a very good thing.”

“It certainly is. I'm not ashamed to be gay Lucinda; I never have been. It's just very important that my sexual orientation not define me. Especially while I am President of the United States .”

“What defines you ma'am?” Lucinda asked.

“Is that a question Wolf Blitzer is going to ask?”

“Actually, that was my own personal question. These are Wolf's, at least some of them.”

She handed Claire a piece of paper from her briefcase and the President looked at it.

“I'm sorry I didn't even offer you a drink. Can I get you something?”

“Mmm…yes. I have had a very long day.”

“What would you like?” Claire smiled.

“Can you make a sloe comfortable screw?”

“Are you flirting with me?”

“Oh no, ma'am. I um…” Lucinda blushed and then laughed. “It's truly a drink.”

“Stop calling me ma'am, it makes me feel like the evil headmistress. I know it's a drink but I'm out of Southern Comfort. How about a Jack and Coke?”

“Sure.”

Claire went over to the bar and mixed the drink. Lucinda smiled as she accepted it. The President returned to looking over the questions.

“Unacceptable.” She said.

“All of them ma'am. I mean um…”

“Claire is fine.”

“I couldn't do that Madame President. That would be disrespectful.”

“How about Dr. McDevitt? That's who I've been for the past eight years.”

“Alright.”

“Good.” Claire nodded. “What is unacceptable are any in-depth questions about my girls. I do not openly discuss my children with the press; that is a line that I will never cross.”

“I understand; we don't have to ask any questions about the twins. May I say that you make a very nice drink?”

“Thank you. Many moons ago I was a bartender.” The President replied.

“Really?” Lucinda asked. “I'm sorry ma'am, sometimes we tend to forget that powerful people were once normal. They are still normal, in some ways.”

“You're still calling me ma'am, Lucinda. Anyway, I prefer to think of myself as extraordinary. You can do the same if it moves you.”

“I can do that.” she said, smiling.

“You are definitely flirting with me.” Claire laughed. “It's been a good while but I know flirting. At least I think I do.”

“I am not. This is just a friendly conversation. I would not mind flirting with you; I'm sure it would be quite fun.”

“I cannot believe I'm having this conversation. I have not has this conversation since Carter was President.”

They both laughed as Claire rolled her eyes.

“Stop it. I have to concentrate on these questions. Billions around the world will watch as I answer them.”

“You are going to do fine. Anyway, its Friday; you're allowed to cut loose and have a little fun.”

“Just a little.” The President said. “People will complain if I have too much.”

“Don't worry about people tonight…I am the only one here. I'm sure we've both had the kind of day that needs to be shaken off.”

“I think I might be getting mixed up with trouble.” Claire said, the smile never leaving her face.

***

“Hi.”

“Hi Dan.”

“I saw the news; I wish I were there. How is Natalie?”

“They have her under heavy sedation. She has severe injuries but she's alive…the prognosis is guarded but good. I don't know how long she will be in the hospital. I think they are being vague with us on purpose.”

“Of course they are, but she is alive. I bet you are smiling right now.”

“Yes. God Dan, I never wanted to let myself go there, but I feared she might be dead.”

“Yeah I know. I will be home on Friday. I want to see you and your aunt.”

“We'll be here. Where are you right now?”

“San Francisco . We'll do the typical run of the West Coast, hit the Twin Cities, Chicago and then back to Washington . Know what I'm gonna do when I see you?”

“What is that, Daniel Kagan?” Rachel asked.

“I have been out on the road with a bunch of horny people and a married couple. I deserve a little attention.”

“What kind of girl do you think I am? You haven't even bought me dinner.”

“I did not have the time necessary to put on my A game. I know that, and I have to make it up to you. I plan to make it up to you.”

Rachel sighed. She wrapped an afghan around her, snuggling against the pillows.

“I do miss you.” She told him.

“Me too. I wish this could've, whatever it is, flourished under better circumstances.”

“Uncle Jack always says it's not what's given to you that's the measure of a man, it is what you do with it.”

“The measure of a man…this conversation just took a scary turn.”

“Not that scary.” Rachel laughed. “Your measure is just fine, Kagan.”

“Yeah, you know the Choate girls used to always say…”

“Yeah right.” she giggled and the sound was joyous. “Sometimes you can be a smug bastard.”

“I was sweet the last time I called.”

“You have many different facets. I like all of them.”

“Ditto. I will call you in a couple of days.”

“Alright. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

***

Jack stroked Natalie's face as she slept. It had been two and a half days so doctors expected her to come out of sedation soon. He talked to her as much as he could; he talked about the children. He told her how much he loved her. He didn't want to talk about the time she was gone because it was too painful for him. What happened to her was unimaginable…Jack prayed for strength in dealing with the aftermath. It was another rainy day, that's all there seemed to be this month. He was looking down at the rain soaked street when Natalie started to come out of her haze.

Her eyes opened slowly and when she tried to move, her body was too heavy. Oh God , she thought, I'm still drugged . A man came toward her and panic set in…Natalie would not let anyone hurt her again. This time she was going to fight.

“Stay away from me. ” she could hardly speak above a whisper.

“Mrs. Carmichael?” The male nurse's voice made Jack turn around.

“Is she awake?” Jack asked, walking over to the bed.

“She seems to be coming out of it, sir.” He came closer and Natalie shrank back.

“No, stay away from me. Stay away!”

She tried to hold her arms up, defend herself, but they were so heavy. What the hell were they injecting her with?

“Mrs. Carmichael, you are safe here.”

“Don't touch me!”

Natalie started thrashing around wildly on the bed. Jack and the nurse attempted to hold her down; they did not want the IVs to come out of her arms. Her heart rate was soaring.

“No! No! No! Jack, help me!” she screamed.

“I'm here Nat. Calm down baby, I'm right here.”

“No! Jack, make them stop! Please don't let them do this to me anymore.”

“Mrs. Carmichael please.”

The Secret Service Agent on duty had already rushed to get the doctor. The two men were having difficulty controlling her frantic movements.

“Don't touch me!” she was crying and screaming at the top of her lungs. “Jack! Help me!”

“Baby, I'm here.” He started to cry too. She was scared out of her mind. What had they done to her?

Natalie let out a bloodcurdling scream and then everything stopped. The room was silent and she no longer moved. Jack and the nurse pulled away as the doctor came into the room.

“Is she alright?” Jack pleaded. “What happened to her? Do something.”

Her heart monitor slowed to normal. The doctor took her pulse before shining the light in her eyes.

“Mrs. Carmichael, can you hear me? Mrs. Carmichael?”

“Nat, answer him if you can.”

Her eyes were open, pupils dilated, but Natalie was silent. The doctor poked her foot with his pen but she did not respond. He did it again with the same result.

“Mrs. Carmichael?” one more time he shined the light in her eyes but she did not follow.

“What the hell is happening to her?” Jack felt so helpless.

The doctor, Jack thought his name was Dr. Grace, put the covers over her and turned to him.

“Mr. Carmichael, I think your wife is suffering from an acute case of post traumatic stress disorder.”

“Why isn't she moving? Is she awake? Can she hear us?”

“Her eyes are open, but she is not here sir. Whether or not she can hear us is a question doctors have debated for decades.”

“Is she catatonic? I don't quite understand this; please don't talk to me as if I am a doctor.”

“Sometimes sir, particularly in the wake of a serious trauma, the victim will enter a state of severe depression. It resembles catatonia but only on the surface.”

“What can you do for her?” he asked.

“Drugs are an option but in this case I don't think that's a good idea without more tests. Under normal circumstances your wife does not suffer from depression. A high dose of anti-depressants may bring her out of this state, but could also lead to a manic episode. Mrs. Carmichael might hurt herself or someone else.”

Jack went to her, stroked her hair. Natalie did not move or blink; she did not acknowledge his presence or his touch.

“What's next?”

Dr. Grace wanted to do a CAT scan and an MRI, make sure there was no kind of brain damage that they were unaware of. He could figure out the next course of action based on those results. They would be scheduled as soon as possible.

“How long can something like this last?” Jack asked.

“I don't want to scare you sir.”

“Just be honest with me.”

“I've seen cases of a few hours; even a few weeks. Sometimes, if the trauma is something the mind and body is not prepared to handle, the condition could be long term.”

“Permanent?” Jack took a deep breath.

“Yes sir, it can be a permanent condition. Your wife has obviously suffered severe trauma. It is difficult for us to know currently the extent of the mental healing she will have to do. I need to schedule the procedures, please excuse me.”

He walked out of the room; Jack went back to his vigil at his wife's bedside.

“I don't know what happened to you baby, but you have to fight this. Don't slip away…you've come so far already. Forgive me if I'm being a selfish bastard but I need you. I need you to fight.” Natalie stared at nothing. He had no idea what was happening behind her eyes. There was a chance she would never return to him. “Please fight this, Nat. Please.”

***

“The pressroom is out of control. I don't know how much longer I can handle this.”

Diana sat in Maggie's office on a warm May Monday. Spring was making itself known in the nation's capital and the staff was glad for its arrival.

“You have to put your foot down Maggie. It is your room, take it back.”

“How?”

“I've never been the White House Press Secretary, though I do know a bit about unruly media. While Natalie's condition is important to us, it is not pertinent to the running of the country. The President was gay yesterday, she will be gay tomorrow…odds are heavy in her favor for being gay next Tuesday.”

Maggie smirked.

“Tell them if they want to gossip or ask questions about things that don't involve the White House, you can easily have them transferred out. I'm sick to death of this too.”

“How did I lose control?” Maggie asked. “I was doing so well.”

“You did not lose control, the whole fucking world did.”

Maggie nodded. It had been two weeks since Natalie came out of sedation. She was in a state of deep depression brought on by traumatic events. Jack was beside himself with what to do. He was told the condition was not rare; it was how many patients healed themselves.

In a small percentage of cases, the condition could be permanent. How cruel was it to get his wife back only to lose her again? The President returned from her Japan trip last night and spent most of her day sleeping off jetlag. Maggie wished she could do the same…she had been at the White House since 6:30 that morning.

“I'm going out there at the four o'clock briefing and taking my pressroom back.” She said.

“Good, I know you can do it.” Diana fought back a yawn.

“You look exhausted.”

“That's probably because I am. White House Chief of Staff does not have a forty-hour workweek. I have a toddler and a seven-month-old baby at home. I need some time off before I collapse. Nick's going to be in the hot seat for the rest of the week. I just wanted to be here today so we could start moving on this season's agenda. The President wants the minimum wage increase and the college tax credit ready for the fall Congressional session.”

“Nick can take care of things. Maybe you should go home now.”

“I'm fine, don't worry about me. Just go out there and pull a Patton on those lunatics.”

“Yes ma'am.”

“Don't call me that.” Diana laughed a bit. “My mother was ma'am. I have an appointment with Lucy Gibson that I am already late for. I will see you later.”

Diana got up from the couch and walked back to her office. Her head was splitting; it was definitely going to be another Excedrin day. She was having far too many of those lately.

***

Claire smiled to herself, unable to believe she was actually doing this. She had already hung up three different times and started to feel like a fool. This was so unlike her. Firstly, it was Monday night and she was actually at home. She had dinner with her daughters and now watched some horrible movie on Oxygen that under normal circumstances Claire would not have time to laugh at. With another deep breath, she just did it. Fear of the unknown was not going to stop her.

“Hello.”

“Hi Lucinda, this is Claire McDevitt.”

“I'm sorry?”

“This is Claire…McDevitt.”

“Oh my God, seriously?”

“Yes.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, Lucinda.” The President laughed. “This is Claire. Hello.”

“Hi. Um, I need you ignore the entire exchange we just had. I'm sorry. How are you, Madame President?”

“Fine, thanks. I'm having a dinner party on Friday evening and wondered if you could attend.”

“Of course.” Lucinda answered without taking a beat.

“There is just one slight problem.”

“I don't have a criminal record. Did I fail the required Secret Service friendship test?”

“No.” It wasn't until then that Claire even remembered the “test”. Jay Monroe must have vetted Lucinda before their first meeting or she would not have been allowed anywhere near the President. Claire would definitely look into that. “I realized that people are so busy right now, I mean you watch the news.”

“I kinda am the news.” Lucinda replied.

“Exactly. So I'm giving my staff the weekend off. They certainly are not going to want to break bread with me on a Friday evening.”

“That means more food for me. I may be small but I am a hefty eater.”

“You don't mind?” Claire asked.

“That I get to be alone with you for a couple of hours; not at all. Just for reference, this isn't a date right?”

“The President cannot date. This is…consumption of food in a nice outfit.”

“Wow, date is just one word and fewer syllables.” Lucinda replied.

“I'm already dangling out on a limb here.” Claire said, laughing. “You want to step on my fingers with semantics.”

“Consumption of food is fine with me, Dr McDevitt.”

“Don't forget the nice outfit.”

“I will wear my Sunday best.” Lucinda said.

“Alright, good then. Is there anything in particular you enjoy?”

“I love food. Can I just say that I'm glad you called?”

“Yeah, saying that would be alright.”

“Should I call you Claire now? I mean, unless you want me to call you Dr. McDevitt…I kinda like it.”

Claire laughed again.

“If you like it, I love it.”

“Then its settled.”

“Alright.”

A woman had not unnerved Claire in a long time. It was both invigorating and intimidating. She honestly hoped that this dinner would show her that her recent thoughts and feelings for Lucinda were a trick of the mind. Then she could get back to normal tasks. Love had absolutely no place in her life right now. Well, maybe a little lust…lust with Lucinda might be very worthwhile indeed. Claire needed to get that out of her mind or concentration would be impossible for the rest of the week.

“I have to go.” Lucinda said. “I'm still at my office and have to drive home to Chevy Chase tonight. I am really looking forward to Friday.”

“I'll see you then. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

***

“Benjamin, what do you want me to do? Its been two and a half weeks and she is still healing.”

“Bring her out of it, that's what you do. There are ways!”

“Those ways could kill her! If she has a psychotic episode she could be gone forever. Let her heal. You have no clue of the hell she has been through.”

“You call this healing? She is sitting there staring into space. She is a vegetable.”

“Just stop it. I'm not listening to you talk like this anymore.”

“You will listen to me!” Ben took hold of his shoulder as Jack tried to walk away.

“Get your damn hands off of me! Natalie is my wife, not yours, and I will take care of her as I see fit.”

“You've done an excellent job so far, Jack. This is all your fault. The mistakes of your past have caused this tragedy.”

“You go to hell! I love that woman and everyday she is not with me is killing me. I cannot push her and I will not let you. What right do you think you have?”

“She is my best friend!”

“She is my wife! Just back off Ben!”

“You have to take the risk Jack.” He pleaded. “She is not living right now…she is dying.”

“She was raped, beaten, broken and finally they nearly stabbed her to death. You want her to come out of that before she is ready to face what they did to her.”

“It will hurt before it gets better. The faster we bring her out; the faster we have her back.”

“The faster you have her back is what I think you mean.”

“Jack!”

“Stop it! You are not going to get me to change my mind. You don't think I want Natalie back with me; with our kids. I want to be as selfish as hell but I can't be. I have to think about my wife. I don't know what makes you think I will allow you to control this situation. Leave us alone.”

“This is not over.”

“Oh yes it is.” Another voice interrupted the argument. They both looked over at the door and saw Diana standing there.

“What the hell are you two doing? Natalie needs us right now and you want to fight.”

“I was not fighting. I was reminding your husband that my wife is lying in that hospital bed…he seemed to be a bit confused.”

“The only thing confusing me is why Jack won't use one of many treatments to bring her out of this stupor.” Benjamin replied.

“You have no right to interfere. I have enough on my shoulders without pressure from you.”

“You claim to love her but…”

“Don't say another word.” Jack warned. “I mean it, Benjamin. I am only going to let you cross the line so many times.”

“Benjamin, can I see you outside please? Right now.”

He left the lounge with reluctance. Diana took him into the corner.

“Sometimes you can be a bastard.” She said. “What the hell is the matter with you?”

“How could you say something like that to me?”

“Imagine if it were me in there and someone thought they knew better than you how to care for me.”

“He is being irrational.” Ben reasoned.

“No, you are. He is worried, scared, and trying to hold himself together. If I ever hear you pressuring him again we are going to have a big problem.”

“It looks as if we already do.”

“Just don't involve yourself in Jack's business anymore. If you want to help, that is not the way.”

“Fine. I'm going to see Natalie.”

“Not today.” Jack stood in front of the couple.

“What? You're going to keep me away from her now? You can't do that.”

“Yes I can. You might remember that I am Natalie's next of kin. I only have her best interest at heart. This is not out of spite Ben.”

“Bullshit.”

“She is under a lot of strain, as we all are. I think she will sense your anger and does not need that right now. I refuse to let your misguided caring set her back. You can visit in a couple of days.”

“I cannot believe this. What if I won't accept this?”

“Then I will have the Secret Service escort you out and your name removed from the visitor's list. The choice is yours.”

Jack walked away and a stunned Ben looked after him. Diana headed for the elevator.

“Diana?”

“He's right. I'm going home.”

“Wait, I want to talk to you.”

She shook her head, walking down the hall and not looking back.

***

“Good morning Jay; good morning Special Agent Holmes. Would you like coffee or tea?”

Jay shook his head while Stephen accepted a cup of coffee. They sat in the Oval Office with the President and Nick Hudson. Though the poisoning case still raised plenty of questions, they were ready to make the report that was going down in the books.

“There are nine Secret Service agents under the tent of our investigation right now.” Jay said. “We don't think they are aware of it but we may drop subtle hints on three that look really good for this. We are hoping it will bring Garcia out of his rabbit hole.”

“What about Carvente?” Nick asked.

“As far as we know on paper, Eduardo Carvente has nothing to do with this. I mean, we know he did but there has been no activity on his social security number since he went to federal prison in 1992. Garcia is our only connection to him. On paper, Garcia is the mastermind of this crime.” Stephen said.

“President-elect Serrano was murdered so that you could become President Ma'am. We know now that Garcia was stalking Natalie Carmichael for at least the last six months of the Lindstrom Administration and needed to keep her here in Washington if the plan was going to remain intact.” Jay said.

“He was counting on my asking Jack to stay?” Claire asked. “That's overreaching.”

“Carvente has been studying Jack Carmichael for a long time…he was aware of all of his relationships. He was willing to bet his life that you would ask and Jack would accept. Please don't feel guilty ma'am. You had no idea.”

“Why Crutchfield, Martin, and Crosby ?” Nick asked. “They were not involved in this.”

“That was to throw us off the trail.” Jay replied. “To make it look like a political conspiracy. I will admit we were so busy investigating those four incidents we did not think to protect anyone but the new President. We reassigned and put so many agents on desk duty, the Secret Service were stretched thin.”

“That's when the kidnapping plan went into motion.” Stephen picked it up. “I think one of the rogue agents made Mr. Garcia aware that Mrs. Carmichael's agents would be returning after the weekend so they had to snatch her before the opportunity was lost. The FBI, with help from Scotland Yard, has started an international manhunt for Orlando Garcia…he is not going to get away with this. We are leaving the Department of Treasury to their own internal investigation into the poisonings. Our help will be available if it is needed of course.”

“So my life was never in any danger?” Claire asked.

“Your life is always in danger ma'am.” Jay replied. “I don't want to scare you but you've been here before. There is always an imminent threat. Many are still not comfortable with an African-American female leader.”

“Of course. I certainly don't want to make light.”

“So where are we now?” Nick asked.

“At the end of this. There is still work to be done but we are hopeful that this case will be closed before the end of the year.” Stephen said. “Getting Natalie Carmichael back alive was very important to us.”

“Both agencies have done an excellent job.” Claire said. “You worked together and did not waste my time or the country's with petty squabbles and territorial pissings. You should be commended.”

“I was just doing my job ma'am.” Jay said.

“How soon can we take it to the media?” Nick asked. “We do not want to impede the investigation but we certainly don't want it to seem as if we are hiding anything.”

“The FBI can be ready as soon as Friday to put out a preliminary report on the kidnapping. While there are things that cannot be said due to the investigation being ongoing, we are ready to say publicly that the poisonings and the kidnapping are connected.”

“You will want to sit down with Maggie Walsh very soon.” Nick replied.

“I'm very pleased we are close to ending this chapter. I thank all of you for your cooperation.”

“Thank you Madame President.”

Nick and Stephen left in deep conversation while Jay studied his protectee. He knew the President wanted to discuss something with him but it looked as if she might be nervous. Jay Monroe didn't think he had ever seen Claire McDevitt nervous.

“I'm having a friend for dinner on Friday night…Lucinda Petrie. I know that she has already been vetted and cleared, but are there any other procedures I need to be made aware of.”

“I will run her through again before then ma'am. We can have her added to your permanent guest list if that's what you want. Then she can come and go without announcement. Would that be good for you?”

“No, not just yet.” Claire shook her head. “This is just a…it's not as if…oh hell. This might be construed as a date in some circles, Jay, but I am not quite ready to go there. Can all of this just stay between the two of us please?”

“Of course ma'am. Be sure to let me know if there is a change. Your comfort is my number one priority.”

“Thank you Jay.”

“Thank you Madame President.”

***

“Wow that was really nice.”

Rachel accepted the glass of wine from Dan as he sat beside her on the couch. He put his arm around her, liking that it made her smile. The couple had dinner at Obelisk that evening before attending a showing of modern Japanese art at the National Gallery.

“I had a nice time too.” Dan said. “The art was a bit strange.”

“Still, it was a real date and you get points for that.”

“How many points are we talking?”

Dan moved closer to her, Rachel rested her back on the couch arm. He wanted her so much that he could hardly see straight. With conflicting schedules this was the first time they were together since Dan came back to Washington . Both were busy with work and Rachel went to the hospital almost everyday to see her aunt.

“I don't think you want to talk.” Rachel said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“I do. I just want to kiss a bit more.”

She kissed him and when she tried to pull away, Dan held onto her. He deepened their kisses, his tongue running through her mouth. Tonight he wanted to take his time tonight, find every single spot on her body that made her sigh. The first time was terrific; it was just unexpected. Tonight Dan wanted to give her his undivided attention…he knew it would be good for the both of them. That was not going to happen on his couch. Distancing himself with reluctance, he took her hand and they stood up.

“Where are we going?” Rachel asked.

“I'm taking you to the bedroom to make passionate love to you.”

Her smile lit the room, and she squeezed his hand. In the bedroom, Rachel pulled him down on the bed.

“You are such a special woman.” He told her. “I feel like I'm dreaming.”

“Don't wake up.” She started to undress him.

***

Doctors encouraged Jack to brighten up Natalie's room with things from home, hoping it would bring her out of her depression. He brought her favorite pajamas and sheets to cover her hospital bed. Her IPod played her favorite songs on constant loop. He put up pictures of the children and brought in peach roses to give her familiar scents. Natalie was starting to heal physically and put on weight as Jack fed her everyday. They were able to take her off the feeding tube. She had yet to speak but was moving again; her husband felt it was close.

Kevin finally convinced him to bring the children to see her. Jack was not sure it was a good idea but he told them a version of what happened. Their mother fell ill while she was away and was now in the hospital. Jack Jack and Krissy rushed to her bedside, telling her how much they missed her and what they did while she was gone. Natalie's son did not want to leave her lap.

While it perplexed them both that she did not respond to them, they believed when their father assured them that she would be better soon. Just seeing them would make her better. There were kisses, hugs, and declarations of love before they left the hospital room…Jack Jack left his Teddy bear there to keep her company. It still sat on her bed.

Diana came to visit late Friday afternoon just as Jack finished feeding Natalie lunch.

“Hey.”

“Hi there.” He kissed her cheek. “She seems to have more of an appetite and that makes me so hopeful. Look Nat, Diana is here.”

Diana waved though Natalie did not acknowledge her presence.

“Are you going to stay?” she asked.

He wasn't. He needed to go home, shower, and dress for an early dinner. He would be back later.

“How's Benjamin?”

“Fine. Don't worry about him; he will lick his wounds. Try to have a nice evening. I'm going to stay awhile.”

Jack nodded, kissing his wife and telling her he would be back. Diana sat down, kicking off her shoes.

“I took most of the week off. You would've been proud of me. I just spent time with my boys. Don't worry about Ben and Jack…they fight sometimes. We both know that. I have never seen two more stubborn men in my life. Everyone just wants you to come out of this, but I won't pressure you. I know what its like to go through a trauma and not be able to properly cope.”

She turned up the music a bit. Maybe a little Talk Talk would help.

“The weather is changing. May is coming in beautifully though we'll get more rain soon. Can you believe summer is right around the corner? We've been doing this almost six months. Well, eight years and six months. I don't know if its good to gossip, Nat, but I think something may be going on with Dan and Rachel. Monday afternoon I caught them making goo goo eyes at each other.

“They both jumped about 20 feet when they realized I was in the room. Its cute though he is a lot older than she is. I don't think either one of us has room to talk about falling for older men. Kath and Kevin's wedding plans are getting more elaborate by the second…its only three and a half months away. They really want you to be there. You promised Kevin a dance to Brick House , remember?” Diana pulled some magazines out of her bag. “I brought the latest Vanity Fair and Cosmo . I'll leave them for Jack to read to you…see if he can get through 101 Ways to Stimulate your Lover with a straight face.”

***

“I think I'm early.” Lucinda stood when the President of the United States walked into her study on Friday evening.

“Hi there.”

“Hello.”

Lucinda gave her a light hug and a kiss on the cheek. She was as attractive as Claire remembered.

“I hate to have you waiting even longer but I need to get out of these clothes. I feel like I'm in shackles.”

“Its OK; I want you to be comfortable.” Lucinda said.

“Good. Make yourself a drink…I'll be 15 minutes or so.”

She nodded as Claire walked out. Lucinda poured herself a small vodka and cranberry juice. Walking around the library, she found the satellite radio and turned it on. This was the second room she'd been in at the Residence; it was impressive. Flipping through stations, Lucinda stopped when she got James Taylor. Nothing like a 70s flashback to prepare for the upcoming weekend.

“OK, now I feel somewhat human. I hope this isn't too casual.”

Claire's long brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She wore khaki slacks and a green long sleeved shirt. Lucinda just looked at her.

“What? What's the matter?”

“You look very lovely.”

“What did I look like before?”

“You're always lovely. I just like your casual look.”

“Thank you. The dining room is this way; there is a delicious dinner waiting for us.”

Claire reached out and took Lucinda's hand.

“What did you cook for me?” she asked.

“Unfortunately nothing; they won't let me near the kitchen. I can cook too, seriously. I make a mean tortellini. My meatloaf would bring tears to your eyes.”

They walked into the dining room and sat down.

“Is there anything you are not good at Dr. McDevitt?”

“Mmm no, not really.”

“I figured as much.”

***

“You're still angry at me.”

“What?”

Diana took a brief moment to look at her husband before focusing again on the road.

“You're still angry about the fight with Jack.”

“I am not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“You're going to tell me how I feel now Benjamin?”

“Yes, because this time I'm right. I didn't…I know now that I was out of line. Its just that…”

“We do not need to have this conversation now. In fact, I prefer that we do not.”

Diana pulled into the driveway of their Glover Park home. She got out and started to pull Michael from his car seat. Ben did the same with Jules. They took the kids to Temple that morning and then to a nice breakfast at the Georgetown Diner. Breakfast with the boys was always an adventure. They would nap now while Diana prepared to return to work on Monday. Inside the house, Ben put them in their playpen as his wife grabbed a bottle of water from the kitchen.

“I have work to do. I'll be in the study. You have work to do too. The President's Wellesley speech is not going to write itself.”

“Ten minutes Diana. Just talk to me for 10 minutes and then we'll do all of that. I made a promise when I left the White House that it would never come before my marriage again.”

“What you did to Jack was inconsiderate at best. I actually think it was reprehensible. My God Benjamin, you have your moments when I want to wring your neck…no one is perfect. But you went too far and it pissed me off. You don't hold the authority on being hurt by this situation. Natalie does not belong to you; she doesn't even belong to Jack. She married him and it is his responsibility to care for her in the event of a tragedy. You had no right to interfere. You would do well to shut up sometimes, or at least think before you speak.”

“You're right about all of those things.” he said.

“I know that.” she replied.

“I just want my best friend back. I spoke before thinking and I put Jack through something he did not need to go through. Worse than all of that, I upset you. None of it even matters because Natalie is still catatonic.”

“It is not catatonia. She is suffering from an acute case of posttraumatic stress disorder. I'm not completely selfless Ben. I wasn't very comfortable watching you two fight over her like sparring suitors. It still makes me feel…”

“You come first Diana.” He moved toward her but she stepped back. “Natalie is my best friend and we've been to hell, back and hell again. It is a deep love and not very easy to make sense of; there are not many people in my life that I can count on unconditionally. What I feel for you is deep too but I know exactly what it is.”

“Why don't you clue me in?” Diana asked.

“It's the most magnificent love of my life. With you I can be me; I don't have to hide. You strip me bare and sometimes it hurts but I don't want to be any other way with you.”

“You don't have to say anything else. We both did and thought some stupid things this past week. I think its important to let go and move on from this moment.”

“To where?” Ben asked.

“I want to say the bedroom but I have so much work to do.”

“We'll make a date for tonight. How about we seal it with a kiss, sugar?”

“Yes.”

He took her into his arms, his mouth covering hers in a passionate kiss. Benjamin hardly wanted to stop but he knew Diana would pull away soon so he played the bigger man.

“I'm going to stop now before I get in trouble.” He whispered. “I love you.”

She stroked his beard, kissing him once more. “I love you too.”

***

Jack sat in the chair close to Natalie's bedside, as he did every single day. His bifocals perched on his nose, he silently read from her favorite anthology of Dylan Thomas poems. In his memory Jack was back with her, wrapped together in their silk sheets. He would quote poetry in her ear while she cuddled close to him. It had been so damn long since he felt her touch. The way Natalie would stroke his face…her smile always giving away her rapture. Her laughter never failed to make Jack feel like the luckiest man who walked the Earth. He didn't know if she would ever laugh again.

“Jack? Jack, can you hear me?”

Jack dropped the poetry book on the floor and rushed to her side. Natalie's eyes squinted as they tried to focus; her husband's hands caressed her face.

“Don't cry honey.” She whispered.

“I've missed you so much.”

“I miss you too. I am so scared and I need you to find me before he kills me. He's really going to kill me.”

“You're safe now; no one is going to hurt you here. Bill is outside to make sure of that.”

“Where's here? I don't remember…”

“You're at GW, Natalie. You've been here for almost a month.”

“A month? What are you talking about?”

“Shh, don't push yourself too hard baby. Oh God, it is so good to see your eyes.”

“Are the children alright? They're not hurt are they? He said he was going to hurt them.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “He said he would do the most awful things to Krissy.”

“They are fine. What's the last thing you remember?”

Flashes went through Natalie's mind. A smelly truck, hands, fighting and screaming for Jack. Someone put a needle in her arm and then molested her. She felt it but she couldn't move; couldn't stop them.

“I don't remember anything.” She shook her head, pushing him away. “Please don't ask me.”

“Its alright.” Jack nodded. “I have to get the doctor. I'm going to leave…”

“Don't leave me Jack. Please don't leave me. I'm scared to death.”

She clung to him and Jack reassured her as he pressed the button that went to the nurses' station. Natalie begged him to hold onto her and he did. He could hardly contain his emotions as she trembled against him. The nurse walked into the room.

“My wife is awake. Please get Dr. Grace.”

She nodded and rushed out.

“My heart ached for you every moment of every day.” he whispered.

“Jack, am I dreaming? This feels like a dream and I don't want to wake up there. I don't want you to leave me.”

“It's not a dream. You're free of those people who hurt you.”

“I'll never be free.” Natalie broke down and sobbed in her husband's arms.

“I'm not letting you go. I promise you.”

Jack silently prayed as he held her. She had come back to him but her battle was just beginning. Natalie was safe inside herself; out there she would have to face the horrors of what happened to her. She lived but now it was time to survive. Jack meant it when he said he wasn't letting her go. He had to help her hold on.

Part 8: In This Kingdom We Have Made

It was a stifling August Friday. The humidity reached the boiling point as storms threatened the nation's capital. The rain had yet to arrive though thunder rumbled all day in the distance. Natalie watched her kids play outside with their nanny, Kyle, climbing all over him instead of the monkey bars their father installed for those kinds of adventures. For almost six weeks, she and her family were apart; it felt like a lifetime. She had no recollection of the three and a half weeks in the hospital suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

For a while, Natalie hardly remembered what happened to her. Flashes and moments of absolute fear plagued her. She could not bear Jack's touch and a week after returning home, the nightmares began. The doctor called them night terrors. In her dreams her experiences as a captor were vivid…Natalie would wake up screaming and sobbing. Jack immediately contacted Dr. Adam Thorsch, hoping his expertise as a trauma specialist would help his wife.

Natalie resisted speaking to him. She was not ready to remember or discuss her experience. The dreams frightened her; she knew that they were real. She slid into depression and the couple drifted further away from each other. Avoiding contact with her husband and friends, Natalie thrust herself into being a mother. It did not take long for the Chinese wall constructed around the traumatic events to crumble, marring her time with Jack Jack and Krissy. She moved out of her bedroom and spent most days weeping in the guest room bed. Jack was worried she might try to harm herself…he called Adam again. That happened almost 10 weeks ago.

Natalie sat down with him three days a week, bringing her pain and torment to the surface more with each visit. Some days were hard and they made little leeway. On others, Natalie would be so angry and distraught Adam would have to give her something to calm her down. She never stopped fighting. She faced the grief head on and went back in her mind to that clapboard room of her nightmares. Reliving the horrible events was the only way to be free. Natalie wanted her life back; she planned to hold tight to it with both hands.

“Good afternoon Mrs. Carmichael.”

“Hi. Did Jack get you a drink or something? Are you thirsty?”

“I have water; I'm fine. Why don't you sit down?”

Natalie sat on her couch. She was dressed in a pair of jean shorts and a tank top. Adam took a moment to study the woman. The magazines that called her beautiful were correct in their assessment. Her feet were bare and she buried her toes in the plush carpet.

“How are you today ma'am?”

“Will you please call me Natalie? Because I have to tell you that sometimes, I feel as if I am talking to an attorney. I feel like I have to defend myself.”

“I never want you to feel that way in our sessions. I am the good guy, not the enemy. How are you Natalie?”

“Fine.” She ran her hands through her dark hair, now cut in a stylish bob.

“One word answers are usually untruthful.”

“Why do you ask if you already know? I had that nightmare again.” Natalie sighed. “The one where someone is suffocating me. I think I should stop taking sleeping pills.”

“Why?” Adam asked.

“It happens mostly when I take them.”

“Are you able to sleep without them?”

“Some nights. It will get easier over time I suppose. I would rather toss and turn because I cannot sleep than because someone is trying to kill me.”

Adam wanted to know if she returned to the master bedroom and her husband. Natalie's eyes were downcast, studying her feet.

“Natalie?”

“No. I just…”

“What? Are you repulsed by your husband's touch?”

“I hope not. Jack would never harm me. No matter what happens to me, I will always know that.”

“Then why are you still sleeping in the guest room?”

“I'm afraid.” She mumbled.

“I didn't hear you.”

“I'm afraid. I do not want him to reject me. I do not want to see the disgust on his face. I couldn't bear it.”

Natalie turned her face away so the doctor could not see her tears. She hated crying in front of anyone. Her tears were very personal.

“Why would Jack be disgusted by you?” he asked.

“Three guesses.”

“I don't like guessing games. If you can, you should try to tell me.”

“Because other men…even if it was against my will. What man in his right mind would want me back after something like that? I'm disgusting and no amount of soap will ever clean the stains.”

“Did Jack tell you that?” Adam asked.

“I haven't given him the chance. If I hear the words, I know I will fall apart. He hasn't asked me to come back either.”

“You think that's because you're filthy.”

“I don't know what I think. Our intimate life was so central to how we felt about each other. Jack and I, even at our worst moments, always made really good love.”

“Natalie, you were brutalized and raped. It could be a long time before you are comfortable in a sexual situation, even a safe one with your husband. Have you and Jack discussed any of this?”

The couple spoke little recently. Jack certainly tried but Natalie would not open up to him. She wanted to but how she could tell him what happened to her. He would never look at her the same again when he knew the truth. She did not want to lose her husband. She had lost so much already.

“I have a little project for you.”

“What?” Her eyes looked at him with skepticism.

“Engage your husband in conversation tonight. I don't care if it's something topical; in fact don't make it too serious. Be Natalie and Jack for a few hours. It might not be easy but its time to take the first step. I'm sure he wants it as much as you do.”

Natalie nodded, hoping that were true.

***

“Good morning Dan.”

Dan stood from his chair as Vice-President Peter Spencer walked into his office.

“Good morning sir. You will be happy to know that Sandy managed to get her hands on a copy of Luciano Pavarotti at Royal Albert Hall. Mrs. Spencer will be quite happy.”

“Excellent. Next to Ambrosia, Pavarotti walks on water. Women can be peculiar.”

“No comment sir.”

“I wanted to let you know that you will not be with us on the Salvation Army trip. Its time for a weekend off. You've been working very hard.”

“I'm sorry sir, I don't understand.”

“I know that. I was informed that time off is a foreign concept to you. C'mon, sit down.”

The Vice-President sat and so did Dan.

“Sean will be great on this trip. It's a dinner on Friday, a speech on Saturday, church, and a barbecue on Sunday. I'm sure we can handle it.”

“Is there some kind of problem you are not making me aware of, Mr. Vice-President?”

Peter Spencer shook his head. He considered himself quite lucky to have Daniel Kagan in his corner. Peter knew what he lost eight months ago with the death of the President-elect. Working now for the incoming Vice-President must have been the equivalent of taking your cousin on the senior prom instead of the head cheerleader.

Dan not only gave everything to the job, he also came to know the Spencer family as people. He bought birthday presents for the kids and always came to family events when invited. Peter did not just look at him as an employee; Dan was the best kind of people. Except he was working himself into an early grave.

“Dan, you are easily one of the hardest working people I have ever met. Sadly, all my years in Congress I never met anyone who works like you. You turned me into the Vice-President of the United States and I appreciate it. Now take some time off.”

“With all due respect sir, did someone put you up to this?”

Peter laughed.

“Tell me the last time you saw your girlfriend. Scratch that, when is the last time you saw her before 10pm.”

“My…how did you…?”

“You're a smart, attractive man; of course you're seeing someone. Rachel is her name, isn't it?”

Dan put his face in his hands; this was going high up on his list of very embarrassing moments. When he found out who was responsible for this, heads would roll.

“She will be excited about the prospect of a three day weekend.”

“Sir, this is very embarrassing.”

“I certainly didn't intend for it to be. I know from experience that putting all of yourself into work can take a toll on you as well as your loved ones. You stay here, we go to Texas , and Monday is Monday. It is not up for debate.” He stood, smoothing out his slacks.

“Yes sir. Thank you Mr. Vice-President.”

“Thanks Dan.”

He left and Dan shook his head. He wanted to know how the Vice-President found about his relationship, much less what her name was. He avoided putting his favorite picture of Rachel on his desk. He didn't want to jinx something new and exciting and he did not want a thousand questions. Now his boss was giving him time off for love. Mandatory time off. Well, who was Dan to argue? He dialed his cell phone.

“Hello.”

“Hi. Cancel any plans you had for the weekend and call out of work on Friday.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I'm talking about a three day weekend. How does Boston sound?”

“Are you being serious?” Rachel asked. It sounds amazing.”

“Then its set. I gotta go; will I see you tonight?”

“Definitely. Bye.”

***

“We have a huge problem.”

Cameron put a bottle of Motrin on Maggie's desk Wednesday morning and she knew that wasn't good.

“Don't even bother with the preface.” She said. “Just give it to me.”

He dropped the tabloid on her desk. On the cover, there was a woman Maggie did not recognize under the banner headline, ‘ Is this woman the President's lesbian lover ?'

“Jesus. Who the hell is she?”

“Lucinda Petrie, Wolf Blitzer's program director. Open it; the pictures make it obvious that she and the President are friends.”

“The President is allowed to have friends Cam .” Maggie replied, flipping pages.

There were a couple of pictures of the President on Leonard Page's yacht, a picture of the President at the opera, a photo of two women eating at a café that could have been Claire and Lucinda or not…it was grainy at best. The kiss on the yacht was not grainy though, even if she only kissed the President's temple. Maggie figured she could spin that as she picked up her phone.

“Joel, I need Diana's next five minutes. No, I need her now.”

She hung up and rushed down the hall. Some semblance of control just returned to her pressroom; this was going to blow it to hell. Diana was wrapping up a meeting with the Secretary of Transportation. He went out one door and Maggie came in the other.

“Hey, what's happening?”

She put the tabloid on her desk.

“I don't want to speculate anything, but the President may have a girlfriend.”

“She's pretty. Looks familiar.”

“She is a program director for CNN. Her name is Lucinda Petrie.”

“She went to college with Natalie.” Diana said.

“Well I never met her because I gave the assignment to Cam . What are we going to do about this?” Maggie asked.

“The President is allowed to be friends with whoever she wants to be.”

“While I do not disagree, you know this is going to be a story. A picture's worth a thousand words.”

“Yeah, but it's a tabloid.”

“Today. This is going to hit the legitimate press. They don't like anyone trumping them, especially the likes of the Weekly Star. We have been waiting for this shoe to drop and I do not intend to let it crack my skull.”

“Alright.” Diana nodded. “Then we talk to the President. Let's go.”

Diana knocked before walking into the Oval Office; Maggie wished she would've taken the Motrin Cameron offered.

“Hey guys.”

Claire took the opportunity to turn away from replacements for foreign oil. While it was definitely important work, it was boring reading.

“Madame President, we need to discuss a delicate matter.” Maggie said.

“Alright.”

Diana handed the tabloid to the President, watching her eyes change as she scanned the pictures. Then she looked at the cover.

“Oh Christ.”

“While we usually never dignify the tabloids with a response, Maggie is sure this will be a story.” Diana said.

“No doubt. Lucinda is my friend, that's all.”

“Ma'am, you don't have to explain to us.” Maggie replied. “You're allowed to have a personal life.”

“Yeah right. Forty five percent of the American public finds my personal life to be repugnant, an abomination. Lucinda is about to become a target all because she is my friend. Does that sound like I'm allowed to have a personal life?” Claire tossed the magazine aside. “What do we do about this? The answer had better not be another interview. If I have to explain every damn move I make there will be no time to run the country.”

“Take the offensive.” Diana replied. “Make it a non-story right now. I say Maggie takes it to the pressroom today.”

“I don't mean to pry ma'am, and you can certainly say it's none of my business, but is Lucinda more than a friend?” Maggie asked.

“I'm afraid that is none of your business, though the answer is yes. At least it used to be yes. I have no intention of allowing the media to invade her life.”

“Yes ma'am.”

“Thank you for bringing this to me. I have to finish reading so…”

“Thank you Madame President.”

Diana grabbed the magazine, hustling herself and Maggie out of the Oval Office.

“This is not right.” The Press Secretary said. “She should be allowed to have a life.”

“While you'll get no argument out of me, you give up some things when you take a public persona.”

“What if she…?”

“The President is not going to go on television and say leave me and my girlfriend alone. Even if we all think she should, she already refused. You know, sometimes I think we're living in the 19 th century and not the 21 st .”

“Yeah. OK, I'll inject it at the two o'clock briefing.”

“Thanks Maggie. I have no idea if this will really work but it's our first shot.”

***

Natalie tapped lightly on the door and stuck her head in. It was bothersome to her that she asked for entry into her own bedroom. That should be strange but after everything, it was not. Anita Baker played softly; Jack looked up from his writing.

“Hi. Am I bothering you?” she asked.

“Of course not. Come in, I'm just jotting down a few things. How are you?”

She came in and closed the door. She sat Indian style on her side of the bed as Jack put his notebook in the nightstand drawer.

“I hope the kids sleep through the thunderstorm.” She said. “I had Krissy in the guestroom with me last night.”

“You two should have come in here. I was worried about you…I know you don't like that kind of weather.”

“I thought about it but…” she stopped.

“What?”

“I don't know.” Natalie shrugged. “Do you mind if I stay tonight?”

“You never have to ask me that. This is our bedroom; I miss you here beside me. Just as long as you are comfortable then I'm happy.”

She moved closer to him, put her arms around him.

“I'm very comfortable, Mr. Carmichael.”

“Natalie, don't…”

Her kiss cut him off. Jack stiffened, pulling away from her. Tears brimmed in her eyes as her husband held her at arm's length. Natalie twisted out of his hold.

“Baby…”

“You're repulsed by me. ” she sobbed. “I knew it. Dammit, I knew it.”

“What are you talking about? Baby, that's not true.”

“You don't even want to kiss me, Jack. It makes you sick, doesn't it?”

“No! I…”

“Don't say another word Natalie.” She got up and went to the door. “I'll just go back to the guestroom. I don't know about the future but that will work for now.”

“What are you talking about?” Jack stood too, taking both of his wife's hands. “Come and sit with me. We can talk. Please don't leave me again.”

“I talk all day Jack…I don't feel like it anymore.”

“We should not make love. I think it's a bad idea.”

“Because I disgust you?”

“Stop saying that, Natalie. Please sit with me. ” they sat together on the bed. “You're pushing yourself because you think I want you to. That is not what I want.”

“You don't want me, Jack?”

“I will always want you, all the days of my life.” he turned her face so that she was looking at him and wiped away her tears. “What I don't want, what I never want, is for you to confuse something beautiful that happens between us with something ugly that was forced upon you. I want you to feel safe Nat. Especially when we are together.”

“I do feel safe with you.”

“Good, that's a good start. I want you to stay with me tonight; I want you here every night. Nothing is going to happen. I just want to hold my wife. I understand why you withdrew, but it still hurt. It broke my heart because I felt there was nothing I could do to help you. I've been helpless since the night you disappeared.”

“I was a victim Jack, but I don't have to remain one. I'm stronger than what happened to me.”

She certainly did not have to convince him of her strength. It was one of the many reasons he loved her. Natalie also had a tendency to bury her pain; pretend bad things did not hurt her. She could not do that this time if she ever hoped to move on. Jack did not fool himself into thinking that this was something Natalie would ever forget. He just believed with help from her loved ones and Adam Thorsch, she would be able to move past it. He sighed, kissing her cheek.

“I'm giddy that we're together tonight.” He said.

“Giddy?” She smiled.

“Yes, dammit I'm giddy and I am going to say so.”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too, baby.”

Jack paused to think for just a moment. Then his lips touched hers lightly. Natalie deepened the kiss, moving her tongue between his lips. It was just one kiss, and then they lay in bed together for the first time in months. Natalie and Jack held each other, talking until they were exhausted; the sound of rain and their heartbeats finally lulling them to sleep.

***

Claire and Diana were wrapping up their meeting when Jay Monroe arrived. The President and her Chief of Staff were trying to find permanent replacements for the interim staff. Nick was going to stay and be her Chief of Staff; Maggie would remain Press Secretary. She wanted Kevin but Paul Lindstrom would kill her if he gave up law school for another run in the White House. She would ask him to stay on as Special Assistant if he wanted while taking classes at Georgetown Law.

His knowledge was not something Claire wanted to lose. She was expecting an answer any day from Stephen Colt for Communications Director but she had a short list for both that job and the Deputy. They also needed a Deputy Chief of Staff. The President was not overly concerned…she had until January 1 st .

“We will pick this up later Diana. Thanks.”

“Yes ma'am.”

“How is Natalie? I haven't talked to her in a week.”

“She's good. She is working hard and seeing Dr. Thorsch. She plans to visit the White House very soon.”

“Everyone will be happy to see her. With my entourage it is hard for me to drop in on people.”

“She understands ma'am. We should also sit and talk later about Lucinda Petrie.”

“What's happening now?”

“The press isn't letting go. With Congress returning from recess in the next couple of weeks and us getting ready to put the Child Healthcare Initiative and the College Credit Act out there, we need to settle this. Not even mentioning that Jessica and Juliette will be back soon and returning to school.”

Claire was sensing another tell-all interview, this time about her personal life. She did not want the whole world involved in her business.

“We'll talk about it before the weekend. I need to discuss it with Lucinda. She should be in the loop when things pertain to our friendship.”

“Of course ma'am. Thank you Madame President.”

“Thanks Diana. C'mon in Jay.” She beckoned him with her hand. “How is Wednesday treating you?”

“Fine, thank you ma'am.”

Emily came in with him; she had paperwork needing signature.

“Emily, can you please arrange for a midday snack?” she asked. “I'm sagging a bit here.”

“Yes ma'am…fruit salad.”

The President said that was fine but wished for something more substantial. Emily always looked after Claire's health, just as she tried to do with Jack and Natalie. She appreciated it but really wanted a slice of cheesecake. That would have to wait until she returned to the Residence tonight.

“What do you have for me Agent Monroe?”

“We're closing the poisoning case.” He sat on the couch. Claire stood to sit across from him; Jay stood again.

“All this standing and sitting is going to take some getting used to.”

“Yes ma'am. Agents Carlton Jones and Bruce Freehold are dead. Apparently, it was part of a suicide pact. Their suicide notes confessed to poisoning the President-elect. Special Agent Mary Ann Grafalo is missing. She was their connection with Chief Justice Martin. Agent Freehold supplied someone on Senator Crosby's detail but they all have checked out. We will go through everyone once more before we close next week.”

“And Congressman Crutchfield?” Claire asked.

“The FBI has Special Agent Scott Masters in custody. He was not the mastermind behind this and may have very little to give but he is facing federal murder charges. That should get him to tell us whatever he knows. The FBI is taking over the Grafalo missing person's case.”

“So, it's over.”

“Yes ma'am. It took almost nine months and some agents worked themselves to the bone, but the Secret Service and the Department of Treasury are satisfied with the outcome.”

“So is the President. This was excellent work but I am glad to move away from it and back to the usual hysteria. Thank you so much Jay.”

“Thank you Madame President.”

He left the Oval Office and Claire dialed a number on her cell phone.

“Hi, it's me. If you have some free time in the near future, please let me know. We really have to talk.”

***

Benjamin walked into the Carmichael kitchen. Jack was tinkering around with a salad and for a few moments, the men just stared at each other. Jack broke his gaze, going to the refrigerator for honey mustard dressing.

“What are you doing here?” Jack asked the former and current White House Communications Director.

“We need to talk.”

“Do we?”

“Yeah.”

“The floor is yours then. You don't mind if I eat, do you?”

“No. Where is Nat tonight?” he asked.

“Rachel took her out to dinner. Probably to drop the ball that she and Dan Kagan are involved. Hey, don't look at me like that; I didn't set them up.”

“Isn't she like 20?”

“22. I hope you don't want to talk about that because it makes me very uncomfortable. Unless that is the whole reason you showed up tonight.”

“Look, I stepped out of line a lot recently. I thought, and still think, my intentions were good, I just should have kept my mouth shut. I didn't help anything.”

“OK.”

“Jack.” Ben said it through clenched teeth.

“What the hell do you want, a hug? We all said and did things…we will again. We made it through a horrifying time because we had each other; even when we didn't want each other. I think it's better to just move on.”

“I want that too. It's important to me that you know that I don't blame you for what happened to Natalie. I just…I was so angry.”

“Me too.” Jack replied.

“Yeah.” Benjamin studied his shoes.

“Ben, I let it go right after it happened. Your passion, which occasionally leans toward hotheadedness, is half the reason I like you. I know how much you care about Natalie. There is no need to apologize.”

“I want things to be alright between us. Diana and I are both very close to Natalie, and consider you a good friend. I don't want any tension in the future.”

“There won't be. Would you like some salad? There is plenty left.”

“Honestly, I would rather eat my infant's socks.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Natalie is out tonight; let me take you to dinner. We can get some real food…even somewhat healthy. Nah, we'll just get some real food.”

Jack smiled a bit. Benjamin wanted to make it up to him and he would let him. They were both stubborn, outspoken men. Jack considered him a friend and wanted to make sure he knew that. Natalie loved both men so much.

“Are you paying?” the older man asked.

“I invited you, didn't I? How does Italian sound?”

“Delicious.”

***

Stephen Holmes visited Natalie on a rainy Friday. Jack was at the White House while she stayed home with their children. Stephen greeted them with gusto.

“Do you have a gun Agent Holmes?” Jack Jack asked.

“Do you shoot people?” Krissy added.

“I only shoot bad people.”

“Can I see your gun?”

“No.” Natalie shook her head. “You know daddy and I don't want you or your sister anywhere near guns. Are there any more questions for Agent Holmes?”

“Can you get me a badge?” Krissy asked.

“Of course.”

“I want one too.” Her older brother chimed in.

“Alright guys, Kyle has lunch ready. I need to talk to Agent Holmes.”

“Bye.” They waved, running for the kitchen.

“Later guys. They are adorable.”

Natalie took Stephen into the den and closed the door.

“Thanks. They are my pride and joy, as cheesy as that sounds.”

“I have four, it doesn't sound cheesy. How are you?”

“I'm doing alright. Keeping busy with those two rascals.”

“I bet. Federal agents captured Orlando Garcia trying to sneak over the border into Canada this morning. He carried falsified paperwork and had a passenger in the car. It turned out to be the missing Mary Ann Grafalo. They are both coming back to Washington to face a list of federal charges.”

“Oh my God, you got him.”

“We got him…didn't I promise you we would?”

“Yeah, but I didn't quite believe you.” Natalie smiled, wiping tears from her eyes. “What about Eduardo Carvente?” she asked.

“He is still a ghost, Nat. I don't think Garcia will give him up but I have been wrong before. A needle in the arm is enticing. We plan to sweat him good. I want to find Carvente because I know that he planned this and I know that he hurt you.”

Natalie nodded. She could not recall how many people were there when she was captive...she spent most of the time drugged. It haunted her that she would never identify her captors or help with the investigation.

“I'm glad you came to tell me face to face. I'm sorry I could not be more help.”

“That's nonsense; you have been helpful. Anyway, it's important that you keep getting better. That's what the people who love you most want. I better get going. I just wanted to tell you the good news.”

“Thank you so much for everything, Stephen.”

Natalie walked him out. He promised both kids an authentic FBI badge on his next visit. She hugged him before he left, thanking him again for his hard work. Then she rushed to the phone to call her husband; Natalie wanted him home with her right now.

***

Lucinda walked into the library; she and Claire shared a brief kiss.

“Sorry I'm late…work was hectic.”

“The press circus following you couldn't have helped.” Claire replied.

“I don't think we're reached full circus status yet. Hey, how are the girls?”

“Good. They're home next Thursday. We've made Labor Day plans at Camp David . They've never been there so they're excited.”

“I bet. Sounds like a blast.”

“I'm having a few guests, including my brother and sister-in-law. I would love to have you but under the circumstances…”

“Don't be silly. I wasn't even expecting an invitation. In fact, I need to apologize to you. This media frenzy is partially my fault.”

“No its not.” Claire said firmly. “No one deserves to be followed around and harassed; least of all you. It's why I called you today.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

“There are a few options, most of which I don't want to take. The public seems to think I will allow them into my bedroom and that is simply untrue. I really like you a lot, but it is going to be better if we don't see each other anymore.”

“That's not going to work for me.” Lucinda replied.

“Excuse me?”

“I love you Claire. God, I had planned to hold that closer to the cuff for a while. A big battle requires big guns. I have pretty much since you nearly tumbled off that ladder. I'm not leaving your life.”

“Lucinda…”

“I understand protocol and rules; I know you've lived by them a long time. I'm not asking you to give that up. You can't give up love either. It's not as if I want to move in and marry you. I don't think I would be a very good First Lady.”

“You would be wonderful. You're going to wait three years?” Claire asked.

“Yes.” She nodded. “We may show up in the newspaper again before you leave the White House. You know what you tell people, you tell them that I am a special person in your life and the public has absolutely no right to choose who you care for. The faster they stop thinking they can judge your lifestyle, the faster they will stop judging everyone's.”

Claire sighed. She did not want Lucinda to get hurt or lose what she worked for because she was in love with the wrong person.

“There are some people out there who would hurt you because I love you…I mean, you know what I mean.”

“I can take care of myself. The ignorant have never controlled me and I won't let them start now. We're friends; time together is something friends enjoy. That's my word and I am sticking to it.”

Claire smiled. She reached for Lucinda's hand and pulled her onto her lap.

“Wanna come to a barbecue at Camp David ?” she asked.

“I would love to, but mama and daddy will kill me if I don't come to Columbia . It's been awhile. So, about what I said earlier…?”

“What, that you love me?”

“I didn't mean to put all of my cards on the table but I meant it, Claire. I've never been lucky in anything; at least I don't think I have been. Damned if I'm turning my back on this.”

Claire kissed her, stroking her face.

“I meant what I said too.” She replied.

“Am I going to have to wait three years for you to say it right?”

Claire was not sure. It would probably be best to keep this relationship in the friendship box as long as possible. Everything was happening quickly, all the characters involved needed to slow down and take deep breaths. The country would have to come first. Love, if that's even what it was, would have to ride in the back seat.

***

“So, you're leaving me?”

“As intriguing as I find you Natalie, I actually miss my family. My summer vacation is coming to an end.”

“You call this a vacation? I think you need to get out more Adam. When is the last time you truly enjoyed yourself?”

“Wait, you are asking me too many questions. Let's turn the tables here for a moment.”

“Alright.” Natalie sat on the couch and smiled at him.

“It seems like you're having a good day today.” He said.

“I am.”

“Why don't you tell me about it?”

“Well, Jack and I are sleeping in the same bed again. I haven't had any nightmares since; though I won't delude myself into thinking they are gone completely. I don't drift away as much anymore, which allows me to spend more time with my children. I've been out with friends and had dinner with my niece, who is now dating Daniel Kagan…don't even ask.”

“How old is your niece?” Adam asked.

“You're violating the ‘don't ask' rule.”

“Sorry. Are you and Jack communicating better?”

“You mean about what happened to me?”

“Yes.”

“Some. I still…it's very difficult. I don't blame myself for what happened, and I certainly don't blame Jack. I am trying to figure out how to tell him without him blaming himself.”

“Why do you think he would do that?”

“That corruption scandal in Miami almost 20 years ago is what started this.” She replied.

“A good point. Is that the only reason why, Natalie?”

She took a deep breath, reaching over for her glass of Ginger ale.

“I'm still dealing with rejection. I don't think he would ever look at me the same if I actually said the words. You and I have been talking for months and I can't even say the word. I was…I was raped.” She ran her hand over her face, wiping the tears. “They raped me and I need to tell my husband, but I have to do it in my own time. He already knows, I suppose, but I have to say those words.”

“There will come a day when you will face everything you remember. It's…”

“It's the only way to heal. I know. It has to be alright that I'm not ready yet.”

“Of course it is. Actually, the strides you've made in the past 3 months are amazing. You are very strong Natalie, and you should be proud of how far you've come.”

“I come from strong, stubborn people. Cosgroves don't fall down easily.”

“You've proven that. Just remember that admitting your weaknesses is also part of your strength.”

“I know. I'm dancing as fast as I can.”

“Slow down. You're planning to continue therapy?”

“I've found a doctor here in Washington that specializes in trauma and she will probably recommend someone in New York when the time comes. When this year started, I never expected to be sitting here with you. No offense.”

“None taken.”

“As if eight years in the White House were not enough reason for therapy, I was kidnapped and brutalized. Who would play me in the Lifetime movie?” Natalie fought back the tears stinging her eyes.

“Who would you want to play you?” as usual, Adam countered her question with one of his own.

“I don't know…I don't think I would wish this on anyone. Even if they could go back to normal when the director yelled cut.”

“You're feeling better today. Don't forget about that…don't lose that. It's a daily journey; sometimes hourly.”

“I know. I'm making dinner for my family tonight.”

“What are you making?”

“The President gave me her meatloaf recipe and I have Kyle here to make sure I don't burn the place down. I just want to be normal, you know. Even if I'm pretending in this moment, the day will come when I don't have to pretend anymore.”

“We all have a great coping capacity, Natalie. Some use it better than others do but it is in everyone. Have faith in your strength, and the strength of those who love you. Especially Jack.”

“I've always had faith in Jack. His love for me, even when I was in a dark room fearing that every moment could be my last, kept me alive. So no matter what mountains I have to climb, with my husband by my side, I'm going to make it.”