A Shadow Among Shadows

by Devon Greene

Jerry felt certain the man was following him by the second day. He couldn't help but notice him both because of his height and the trenchcoat and fedora he wore. When he saw the man a couple of times the day before he'd thought it was just coincidence. Today he knew the man was watching him.

You'd think he'd ditch the fedora and trenchcoat if he wanted to be inconspicuous. Looks like something out of an old film noir. Anyone would notice him, he told himself. Almost as if he wanted to be noticed.

Jerry was on his lunch break and stood in front of a bookstore window watching the reflection of the man standing across the street staring at him. He went inside the bookstore to browse for a few minutes but studied the man through the front window of the store.

He bought a book then went to his favorite diner, Lost Souls, at the corner of Eleventh and Studemont. He ordered his usual meal from his favorite waitress, Ellie, and sat back to enjoy the book until his food came. After reading a couple of pages Jerry glanced out the window to see if the man was still around. He spotted him just as he crossed the street headed straight for the diner. Jerry kept his eyes down when the man entered and sat down at the counter. He tried to read his book but couldn't concentrate.

When Ellie brought his food Jerry whispered to her, “Hey, El, do you know the guy in the overcoat and hat?”

She glanced at the man who was having coffee at the counter and shook her head. “Nah, never seen him before. You owe him money or something?”

Jerry laughed. “No, I just had a creepy feeling he was following me for some reason. Oh, well, guess I read too many mysteries. It's all my imagination.”

“Well, if he follows you out of the diner then you'll know for sure. Gotta be careful, Jer, it's a dangerous world out there these days.”

“Yeah, I agree. Thanks.”

“You gotta start eating some veggies, Jerry, you're putting on too much weight for your age and height. Try somethin' besides potatoes next time, ok?” She smiled and patted him on the shoulder.

“Yes, ma'm. I'll try the fried okra next time.”

Ellie laughed and returned to her duties. Jerry ate, read his book and forgot about the man. He had two refills of his coffee and spent the rest of his lunch hour reading about a man murdering his wife and her lover for having an affair. He liked mysteries where the culprit always got his just deserts.

Ellie came to get his dishes and refill his coffee for the third time. Jerry covered the cup with his hand. “No more today, El. I'm on the late shift today and this'll wire me up enough.”

Ellie smiled and said, “Ok, Jer. By the way, the guy in the overcoat left . . . about five minutes ago so he must not be following you. I wasn't sure you noticed. You didn't look up from your book. One less worry, right?”

Jerry took a deep breath and smiled. “Yeah, one less thing to worry about. I have enough as it is. Here, Ellie.” He handed her some money for the bill. “I'll see you tomorrow as usual.”

“Sure, Jer. Thanks.”

Jerry took one last sip of his coffee and left the diner. When he got to the street, he looked around but didn't see the man. He shrugged his shoulders, zipped his jacket against a slight chill and headed back to work at the video store. A blue norther was coming in tonight and the temperature was dropping fast.

That evening when Jerry got off work he went out with some co-workers for a beer and started home about eleven p.m. As he walked down the street he had the creepy feeling of being followed again. He turned suddenly and caught a glimpse of someone ducking into a doorway of one of the stores lining the street behind him. Jerry watched the shadows for a minute but saw no movement. He turned around and continued home.

When Jerry got home he went to the window before turning on any lights. He peeked through the curtains and saw the same man standing by a dim streetlight. He stared at Jerry's window. This unnerved him and he stepped to the side of the window so the man couldn't see him. He peeked out again and the man was slowly walking away, turning once to look at Jerry's window before he disappeared into the cold and darkness. Jerry shivered but was sure the man couldn't see him standing behind the thick curtains.

When he could no longer see the man from the living room window, he went into the bedroom and turned on the light and heat. He wondered if he should call the police but he knew what they'd say. If the stranger hasn't committed a crime or made any threats there was nothing they could do. So Jerry double-checked that the door was locked, took one last glance out the window and, seeing no one out there, he took a hot bath to relax. After the bath he got in bed to finish his book. He turned out the light at one a.m. and fell asleep.

The next morning was Saturday and Jerry followed the same routine except for going to work. This time he looked out his window before leaving his apartment. The man was standing in a store doorway with his hands in his coat pockets because of the cold. He was waiting . . . again.

Nervous now, Jerry took the back entrance of the building and went down Tenth Street to Heights Boulevard and cut over to Eleventh. He entered the diner from the side entrance.

He sat in his usual booth and Ellie brought his coffee and took his order. When Jerry glanced out the window he saw the man walking down the street at a fast pace toward the diner. Jerry pretended to read the menu when the man walked by his window.

When Ellie brought his food she whispered, “He's here again. That guy in the coat.”

Jerry nodded and whispered back, “I know. I'm sure he's following me, El.”

Ellie grunted, “Hnnh. Why don't you call the police?”

“They can't do anything unless he commits a crime. Remember when you had that stalker?”

She answered, “Right. Call your friend, that funny guy, Randy.” Then she left.

Jerry ate fast and left the diner. He decided to do some random shopping, go to a movie, eat dinner. If the man followed him everywhere then he'd know without doubt he was stalking him. Jerry dreaded confronting the man since he was twice Jerry's size and looked angry - even dangerous. Jerry did not like confrontation. He had frightening memories of several violent conflicts from his childhood between his mother and father. He tried to think of other more pleasant things but couldn't get his mind off the man. Nothing distracted him. And he couldn't lose him.

Finally, he went to his sister's house. He didn't want to go home tonight and thought he'd ask Lora to let him stay there for the night.

It took several minutes before she answered his urgent knocking. When Lora finally opened the door she was wearing no bra and a cheap kimono over a flimsy slip. Her breasts bulged out of the slip. Her hair was messed up, her lipstick was smeared all over her mouth and he could smell beer on her breath.

“Hi, sis.”

“Well, hi, little bro. What're you doing here?” She smiled looking every inch like a South Main Street hooker.

“Uh, I was just wondering if I could stay the night.”

When he tried to cross the threshold she barred his way with her arm.

“Not tonight, Jer. I have company.”

He heard a man's voice in the background whining, “Hey, sugar, who's there? Make ‘em go away. Come on back. I'm getting lonely.”

Jerry cringed and stared at his sister with his usual withering look when she'd done something to disappoint him which was often. She'd raised him after their parents died in a car accident between a drunk driver, who was his father, and a tree.

He wished, just once, she'd date a nice guy who really cared for her. Why was it always some drunk who just wanted to hump her and leave? He couldn't understand why her only brother was less important to her than a jerk who'd leave the next morning and never look back.

He needed her to be there for him tonight. He didn't ask her for much anymore because he knew Lora didn't have much left to give anymore. Those years spent raising him took a big toll on her. He respected her for taking him in when her own life was just beginning. She gave up college to raise him. He felt guilty, but he'd tried to repay her over the years in subtle ways. Jerry even offered to support her so she could go back to school but she wouldn't do it. Said she was no longer interested. She'd meet some nice guy with a good job, get married and settle down. Jerry knew it would never happen. Nice guys weren't coming home with her.

“Come on, sis, I'm your little brother. Give me a break. Someone's following me.”

“What are you talking about? You're being paranoid, Jerry. Why would anyone follow you?” He detected some sarcasm in her tone.

“Look, Lora, just look over there by the streetlight. You can see him yourself.”

Lora glanced down the street both ways. She shrugged and said, “I don't see anyone, Jerry. Now go home and get some rest. You're hallucinating.”

“You're kidding. You can't see him? Are you blind? He's standing right in front of Said's store.”

Jerry turned and saw no one either. When he turned back to Lora, she was smirking at him and closing the door. The behemoth was standing behind her pulling on her robe. If he'd been bigger and stronger Jerry would have dragged the jerk out to the street and taught him a lesson. But Jerry wasn't big or strong, so like most small mammals, he was the prey rather than the predator.

He left and walked a few more blocks before he had the impulse to go to his friend Randy's new apartment. Randy never failed him. He turned the corner at Yale. The man stayed a discreet distance behind him but close enough to scare Jerry.

When he got to Randy's apartment he knocked and heard Randy's voice from inside say, “Come in.”

Jerry entered the apartment and smelled beer and popcorn. He locked the door after entering, something Randy often forgot to do. His friend was watching a game on TV, as usual, with a cooler full of beer on one side of him and a box for the empties next to it. Jerry laughed at the sight and sat down on the sofa beside him.

“What's going on, man?” he asked Randy.

Without taking his eyes off the TV, Randy handed Jerry a cold beer and the bowl of popcorn. Jerry drank and ate. Then Randy spent several minutes giving him a blow-by-blow account of every quarter of the game. Jerry had no interest in football or any other sports, but he liked Randy so he endured the unending descriptions of sports contests between mighty teams he knew nothing about and couldn't remember the names of five minutes later. Randy always watched games of some kind when he wasn't sleeping or working. It was an addiction like any other, and Jerry understood that.

Finally, during the commercial, Jerry asked Randy, “Hey, man, can I stay here tonight? This guy's been following me. I don't want to be alone tonight.”

“Huh? Following you?” Randy now looked at Jerry. “You kidding? Why'd anyone be following you, Jer? Think he's gay?”

“Don't know. But I'd feel safer if I slept somewhere else. You mind? I can sleep on the sofa.”

“That's where I sleep. Sure you're not imagining it?”

“Not after this long. What happened to your bed?”

“I gave it to someone poorer than me when I moved in here.”

“Who's poorer than you? What about the floor? Got a blanket or something?”

“Nah, man; you can't sleep there. Too many roaches in this place. That's why I got the sofa.”

“Bathtub?”

“This one's a shower only apartment, man.”

“Hey, Randy, help me out here. It's just one night. Please.” He rose and crossed to the window, spying through the blinds. “There he is - under the streetlight. Just standing there waiting.”

“Waiting for what?”

“I don't know. That's the problem.”

“Let me see.” Randy went to the window. “Jer, you better be on drugs. > Cause if you = re not you = re in a heap of trouble. There's no one out there.”

“What?! I just saw him. Let me see.” He pushed Randy back from the window and looked out again. There was no one out there. “How the hell does he do that?” Jerry was frustrated and angry now.

“Do what?

“Disappear every time he knows someone else is looking. But he's always there when I look.”

“Maybe he's messing with your head.” Randy went back to the sofa and sat down. The last quarter was beginning.

“But why would a total stranger do that to me?”

“Stranger things have happened, Dude.”

Jerry stared at Randy and said, “Like what? Name one.”

Randy laughed and said, “Hey, it's just a saying, man. Relax. Sit down, watch the game. Maybe he'll leave.”

“Well, can I stay here tonight?”

“Dude, any other time, I would let you stay and you know that. But tonight is kind of bad. Rita's coming over tonight when she gets off work. I'm kinda hoping to get lucky maybe. It'd be kind of awkward with you on the floor, you know? Like right under us? Listening to everything. I don't think Rita'd like that.“

“Ok, ok, I get the picture. Where can I go then?”

“How about your sister's?”

“Been there, done that. She has a date – as usual.”

“Oh. Tough. When's she going to give up on those assholes?”

“I don't know. I don't even talk about it with her anymore.”

“Sorry, dude. Any night but tonight. Why do you think he's following you?” Randy got up and walked to the small window beside his door and peered out through the broken blinds again. He said, “I still don't see anyone.”

Jerry's mouth fell. He went to the window and saw no one either. “It's like he knows when I'm telling someone about him. I can't figure it out. I don't have anything worth stealing. I don't owe anyone any money. I've never seen him before.”

Randy laughed a nervous laugh. “Have another beer, man. Maybe you're tired. You've been working too hard lately.”

Jerry took the beer and sat down to watch the TV with Randy for a few more minutes. Finally, he put the beer down and stood.

“Ok. Thanks for the beer. It may be my last one. Maybe I am going crazy. It's getting pretty late so I better go. Good luck with Rita.”

Randy watched him as he moved toward the door. “So where you gonna go?”

“I don't know. Somewhere.”

“Call me tomorrow, man. We'll watch the game together.”

“Don't you ever get tired of watching games?”

“Sure. Then I go to bed.”

“Oh-h-h, I see.” He opened the door and peered out. He saw no one. “I guess I'm gone then.”

“Go home. Get some sleep.”

"That's what Lora said. Maybe you = re right. I am kinda tired. See you.”

“Hey, if he is gay, don't lead him on.”

They laughed and Jerry took one more look out the door before he left.

He felt better now and thought maybe he was imagining the whole thing. He decided to cross through a small park to take a short cut home. After he walked a few blocks he turned quickly just to double-check and there was the man again, hiding in the shadows but just visible enough to upset Jerry. Only he was closer this time. Jerry turned around and walked faster. He figured the park would be empty this time of night but if he hurried he'd be safe and get home faster.

Once inside the park he saw a woman sitting alone on a bench. He went up to the bench and sat down beside her. She didn't look at him, only stared straight ahead. It was unnerving but Jerry started a conversation with her anyway.

“Hi. How are you? Kinda late and cold to be at the park tonight, isn't it?”

She turned to look into his eyes and Jerry felt like two hot pokers pierced his face. She was well over forty, thin, poorly dressed with a haunted look in her eyes. Jerry wasn't sure he wanted to talk to her after all but she was the only person in the park right now besides him and the shadowy figure. The man wasn't too far away but he stopped, waiting for Jerry to leave again.

She spoke with a hoarse, accented voice that had probably sounded alluring in days past, “Late? I guess so. I come here every night this time. It clears my head.”

“Uh, yeah, I know what you mean.” He was fidgeting now. At this moment, Jerry wasn't sure who was less dangerous – the man or this strange woman who appeared to be someone just released from someplace scary.

He glanced over the woman's shoulder to keep the man in view. He was standing in the center of a circle of trees. Jerry could barely see the outline of his body but he knew the man was there.

The woman noticed his fear and turned around to see what was in the shadows that frightened him so. She then turned back to Jerry and said, “Is he following you?”

Jerry was startled. “You mean you see him? I was beginning to think I was imagining things.”

“No, you're not imagining anything. I see him. Quite clearly. You seem very afraid.”

“I am. He's been following me for two days now and I don't know why or who he is.”

“What have you done that would make someone follow you for long? There seem to be powerful feelings on his part.”

“Nothing. I swear.” He hoped she couldn't hear the panic in his voice. “Honest. I haven't done anything.”

“You must have.”

“No, nothing! He's just a weirdo.”

She gazed over her shoulder at the man in the shadows again and then turned to Jerry. “Would you like to come home with me? You'd be safe there for the night anyway.”

He couldn't believe a total stranger would offer him refuge when his own sister and best friend wouldn't. He stared into her large dark eyes and noticed the lines in her face for the first time. She appeared much older than he first thought. Life had shown no mercy to her face. He hesitated only for a moment.

“Well, yeah. Are you sure it's okay? I mean, you don't even know me.”

“I know you're frightened, and I know that feeling.” She stood up, turning once again to see if the man was still there. He was. Jerry stood up and followed her.

“I don't live far. Come on.” She was hurrying now like someone who had been running from things for a long time.

They reached her apartment building on a short dead-end street within moments. She unlocked the front door of the building, and they rushed inside. There was only one glaring overhead bulb which cast a harsh light and deep shadows down the hallway. The paint was peeling and there were cockroaches everywhere even with the light on. She went up the stairs, and he followed her. He now noticed she had a slight limp.

She lived in the last apartment on the second floor. The woman quickly unlocked the door and let him in after she turned on the light. After fastening the dead bolt and chain lock, she put a chair under the knob. Jerry could tell she performed all these actions out of habit as if from years of trying to protect herself from something fearsome. She kept her coat on in the cold apartment while she lit the old gas space heater.

Jerry told her, “Listen, I don't even know your name but I'm really grateful for this. Believe me, I'm ok. I mean, I won't hurt you or anything. I just don't know who this guy is.”

She seemed sympathetic, but then she faced him and stared into his eyes which made Jerry feel uncomfortable. Then she said, “I know the looks of fear and guilt. They are quite different. You have both in your eyes.”

Jerry didn't know what to say. He didn't want to pry into her past too deeply or tell her too much about his. All he could manage to reply was, “I . . . uh . . . I really appreciate your help.”

“You should figure out what you've done to cause this.”

Jerry was upset at the suggestion that he'd brought this on himself. “Honest, lady, I haven't done a thing. I don't even know this guy.”

“There must be something. Think about it.” She went to the tiny kitchen to make some hot tea. When she turned on the gas burner, roaches ran out and disappeared down the side of the rust-stained stove. Jerry looked out the window and saw the man still there at the edge of the light from the neon sign on the bar across the street.

Jerry sat down on the tattered sofa while she poured hot water into the cups and dipped a used tea bag into each cup. Then she handed him his tea. He blew on it while staring at the dismal walls of her one room apartment. The cup was cracked but clean. When he glanced up, she was staring at him so hard he almost dropped his cup.

“You must have hurt him or cheated him.”

“No, no. Really.” He already regretted coming to her apartment. He didn't need accusations right now. He needed help and sympathy.

She persisted, “Yes, there is something.”

Jerry hesitated and then said, “The only thing I've done in the last week out of the ordinary . . .,” he hesitated. “Well . . . there was this woman . . . ”

“Ah, a woman. Of course.”

“Yeah. It was stupid, I guess. But she was really sexy and just threw herself at me, you know, she really wanted . .”

“Yes, I know.”

Jerry couldn't face her eyes. He stared at the floor. “Well, I got all worked up and it all seemed so easy. So I did it. I slept with her, just the one time, but it was all afternoon. She said her husband was out of town. That's all I wanted, a quickie, you know. I wasn't looking for a long-term affair or anything. And neither was she. It's just .... well .....

“So, you slept with her?”

“Yes.”

“And then you left?”

“Yeah. That's it. End of story.”

“Only it's not the end... not yet.”

“This guy might be her husband. He must've found out. She probably told him.”

“Yes, she must have. And now he's trying to decide whether or not to kill you.”

Jerry jumped up spilling his tea on his hand. He yelled, “Dammit. Ouch. Oh, God! Don't say that!” He wiped his hand on his pants.

She wouldn't stop. The woman put down her tea and pointed a bony finger at him. “It's the truth. It's an old story, after all. A wounded heart leads to a crime - revenge - murder. I know the story well.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have my secret shames, too.” She turned away from him then.

In the dim light he couldn't see her face. “Murder? For just a one-time fling? I didn't take her away from him. She's probably done it before. Lots of times. She's the type. But murder? That's pretty harsh.”

“Is it? Maybe he loves her more than anything and you've stolen something precious from him. You've ruined what he prized the most. Maybe he killed all the others, too. Now, you must pay. There's always a price. You should know that by now.”

Jerry resented her now. “Lady, that's so Old Testament. Things aren't like that anymore. People cheat. They don't get stoned to death for it. Not in this country anyway. We're a little more civilized than that here. Murder is a lot worse crime than a little adultery.”

She had a grim smile on her face and her eyes turned wild but very old at the same time. “You've caused your own murder, you know. And you've put his soul in jeopardy, too. He wouldn't want to kill you if you hadn't taken his wife. This is your fate and nothing and no one can protect you from it. It's waiting for you down in that dark street.”

Jerry put down his tea cup on the wobbly table. Everything in this room was broken or crooked. He rubbed his scalded hand on his pants. He wanted to leave but felt like a piece of furniture screwed to the floor. “Hey, wait a minute. Don't get carried away.”

She moved away from him. Her voice was rising now and her eyes were so intense they scared him. “You have to accept responsibility for your actions. We all do. You have to go now. I can't help you after all.”

In spite of her strangeness he was afraid to leave her apartment with the man waiting for him down in the street. “No, please, just let me stay till dawn. Please!”

“No.”

Jerry tried to reason with her. “He'll kill me if I go out there now. Please, let me stay!”

“There's nothing anyone can do for you. You have to go.” She pushed him toward the door but he resisted.

“Look, lady, who are you to judge me? You look like you've lived in a cage all your life.”

“I have. I paid my price and now you have to pay yours.”

She tried to force him out pushing all the weight of her frail body against his bulk. He resisted and then suddenly moved causing her to lose her balance and fall forward against the sharp corner of a table. Jerry watched her fall and gasped when he saw blood oozing from her temple when she hit the floor. He panicked and tried to help her but she didn't respond. He searched for a pulse. She was dead. Because of him. Because he wanted to screw a cheap blond and get away with it.

He frantically walked around the apartment not knowing what to do. He never meant anything like this to happen. If he'd just left the blond alone. Jerry knew that everything about the affair was tawdry and common, and now someone was dead and he would go to jail for it. Who'd believe him when he told them a woman who was a total stranger he met in the park in the middle of the night offered him a safe place to stay for the night? Then, out of gratitude, he killed her “accidentally.” There was only one witness and that was a man who just happened to want him dead, too.

"Oh, God, what have I done? She's dead. I never meant to hurt her. Or anyone else. What's going on here?”

He ran to the window and peered out through a hole in the curtain. The man was walking away. He turned around once and stared at the window where he must have known Jerry was watching him. Jerry imagined for a moment that the man was smiling – even laughing - as he took out his cell phone to make a call.

“He's leaving. Wait, he's laughing! Why the hell is he laughing? What does he know? Who's he calling? What's going on?”