WINK AND A SMILE by J. ALAN BROWN Constant Constance, Advice on Morals and Etiquette (Send your questions to Constance by clicking here .) Dear Constance,
I don't know where else to turn. For two years I've been having an affair with a co-worker. Lately, though, I suspect that my girlfriend is trying to kill me! I can't go to the police for fear my wife will find out. My girlfriend is tired of waiting for me to get a divorce. Last week at our regular hotel I found a long kitchen knife hidden under her side of the mattress. I quickly left, and told her it was over. Now she won't stop calling me. She even follows me home from work and parks in front of our house. She's turned all freaky psycho on me and I'm scared she's going to kill someone. What should I do? Nick Hanrohan Dear Nick,
Oh, what a tangled web you've woven. If you seriously feel threatened, then you've got to do two things. First, come clean with your wife. Second, tell the police. Yes, confessing to your wife will have serious implications on your marriage--but you can survive a divorce. You can't survive a knife in the chest. Next time, stay away from office romances. Cautiously Constance # To: Auto-confession - St. Matthew's Catholic Church
From: Nick Hanrohan
Subject: Confession
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been four months since my last Confession. I've been having an affair for two years behind my wife's back. My co-worker and I have managed to keep it a secret. However, lately my girlfriend has threatened me because I won't divorce my wife. Yesterday I drove through an intersection and someone ran a red light, coming within a cat's whisker of striking my car. I looked back and saw a woman driving a black Ford Expedition which is what my girlfriend drives. I confronted her about it and she acted innocent, but I wasn't fooled. I want to break it off but I'm scared for my life! I am sorry for these and for all the sins of my past life. Nick Hanrohan To: Nick Hanrohan
From: Father Don Priceler
Subject: RE: Confession Dear Mr. Hanrohan,
Adultery is a serious sin, my child. But more important is the possible attempt on your life. For absolution, you are required to do two things. First, you must confess your sin to your wife and ask for her forgiveness. Second, you must approach the police and inform them of this woman's attempt on your life, so that they can take the proper steps to protect you. I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Father Don Priceler Click here for more on-line services St. Matthew's Catholic Church offers! # To: Pickering Law Office
From: Nick Hanrohan
Subject: My will
Dear Mr. Pickering,
I need some legal advice. I'm unable to go into details, but I have strong suspicions that my life is in danger. Today I was crossing the street to enter my office when a computer monitor crashed onto the sidewalk, missing me by inches. I looked up and saw an office window close quickly, and counting off the floors I figured out it was my office window. Upstairs I found my co-worker at her desk, next to mine, as usual. I confronted her with it and she said she didn't know anything. What's more, both our monitors were sitting right there. Still, I was shaken by the whole thing. I want my wife to be well protected. Please check my will to make sure that she'll still get everything, even if I am murdered. Thank you,
Nick Hanrohan To: Nick Hanrohan
From: Pickering Law Office
Subject: RE: My will
Nick, I've been your attorney for years, and I'm seriously concerned for you. Yes, I have reviewed your most recent will, and your wife will still be the inheritor of your estate in the unlikely event of your death by foul play. However, I strongly suggest that you approach the authorities and explain the situation to them, for your own protection. Please don't put this off, Nick, before it's too late. Sincerely,
Arthur Pickering, Attorney-at-Law # Rockwall Sentinel: News and Events
(To unsubscribe to this newsletter, see link at the end of this e-mail) ROCKWALL RESIDENT MURDERED On Saturday, May 18th, the body of Rockwall resident Nick Hanrohan, 29, was found in Byerton City Park near his home. According to Rockwall police, Mr. Hanrohan had been shot twice in the chest and was declared dead at the scene. Witnesses say they heard shouting just before the gunshots and saw a woman fleeing the area. Detective Rawlinstein said, "We searched the victim's home and office and found evidence that Mr. Hanrohan felt in danger for his own life. This morning we have brought in a coworker of the victim for questioning. All I can say at this point is that no arrests have been made as yet, but we will continue to focus all our efforts on delivering justice." Mr. Hanrohan lived in Rockwall for six years with his wife, Melissa, and worked at Bates Insurance . . . (For full story, click here .) # Private message to Rick-n-Dallas
From: Melissa999
Subject: Hi! I wanted to introduce myself. I'm new to the dating scene and have never done this, but I liked your profile and wanted to learn more. I'm in my late-twenties with no kids. I'm recently widowed but don't worry--I'm financially stable, working as an e-mail administrator for a local hospital. I'm looking for some fun and adventure with the right guy. Fair warning, though--I only like men who keep their promises. If that's you and you won't go all freaky psycho on me ;) take a chance and reply back . |
